Tuesday, August 26, 2008

God's Timing...

I am able to take the time to post right now while my mom is holding our precious Magdalena. Before her breakfast this morning her heart rate lowered too low, but with a little reminder it resumed to a good speed. When her apnea monitor sounds I am always on edge not knowing, but at the same time, on many occasions she pulls up her heart rate and breathing herself. Then, during breakfast I noticed her color changing so quickly. I jumped up and began to pat her trying my best to remind her to breathe, but no matter how hard she was trying, she just couldn't do it. I ran to the oxygen machine and while hitting her back I waved the oxygen in front of her face until her color returned.
I thought to myself "ok, I knew that this would happen", and I called Noah to let him know the situation. I continued to feed her breakfast when it happened it again, but I had a harder time getting her color to return. After calling Noah again he began on his way home. Something just wasn't right....
Instead of her color getting better it continued to get worse. She had stopped breathing and her heart rate had lowered. As I sat there in tears I kept begging for her to fight, I realized that she had already done that for so long. I had gotten everything that I had prayed for already. We were able to spend time with her, know her, love her, baptize her, and bring her home with us. We were already given much more than we expected when first entering the delivery room.

When all of this flashed through my head I realized that I was ok to let her go. I didn't want it, but I knew that I didn't want her to continue to suffer. By this time Noah had arrived at the house, and just by his presence I felt stronger and that I was not alone. Then, by the grace of God, Magdalena came back to us. It was slow, but her daddy kept giving her a litte oxygen, and we both could tell when we were in the "safe" zone. She was so tired after this entire experience that we didn't even try to bottle feed her, but we simply gave her milk through her NG tube so that she could heal. Noah put Magdalena in one of her favorite positions, which is her laying on his chest, and she rested for a few hours. God has given us another day. I am not sure if I will be ready for the next episode and have any form of strength, but we will just have to take one day at a time.

32 comments:

  1. We are so thankful God has given us above and beyond what we could have ever hoped to have had with Magdalena. She is so beautiful and we love her more each and every day.

    Uncle Stephen, Loli, Caroline and Emma

    ReplyDelete
  2. your post was just heart wrenching. i started crying. i am so sorry for the 3of ya'll having to go through so much. i pray that god will give you (mommy) strength and comfort. and god to heal her lil heart so the episodes don't keep happening. i am just sorry. magdalena is just beautiful. she is lucky to have a mommy and daddy just like the 2 of you. praying w/out ceasing. bonny in TX

    ReplyDelete
  3. Jennifer Rutledge6:39 PM

    Julie - I cried as I read this post. Your continued faith in God is an inspiration to me. I am so glad that you and Noah have already had more days with Magdalena than you had hoped. God is so good! I pray for you and your precious family daily.

    Jennifer

    ReplyDelete
  4. Noah & Julie; my husband and I are priveleged to know of your sweet Magdalena becuase of her grandfather, Paul Roberts. I am praying for you; you are an encouragement and inspiration to me. Enjoy her deeply every moment you can! God has blessed you and asked a hard thing of you; I know He will be your strength and refuge. Kimberly in GA

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous7:24 PM

    Julie, you got through it girl! I can't imagine how scary that was but I know God was holding you all through the entire thing. He's holding that baby girl!

    I don't think my Mom would mind me sharing this...she's been keeping up with you guys via the blog and in the midst of some personal struggles for our family, she told me that you are a constant reminder to her of her faith. She also shared that your amazing strength through this is giving her strength too. You and Magdalena are encouraging people that you probably met one time 5 years ago! Thank you for sharing this with us all, you're helping more people than I'm sure you'll ever know when it's us that want to be helping you right now!
    Love you,
    Erin

    ReplyDelete
  6. emily knox7:34 PM

    julie
    my husband and i are keeping up with you and praying for you. may God's grace be more than enough for you. you are such a precious blessing to your baby girl!
    emily neal knox

    ReplyDelete
  7. Still praying for you guys and the strength/endurance to love and care for your precious one. She is so beautiful!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Jennifer Hurt Williams7:47 PM

    I run to my computer daily to see how the sweet one is doing. The strength that you and Noah are showing is beyond imaginable to me. God has blessed Magdalena with the best parents ever.

    Constantly praying,
    Jennifer (Hurt) Williams

    ReplyDelete
  9. What a little fighter you have! Praying for you and yours in Southwestern Illinois.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Anonymous7:53 PM

    Noah and Julie,

    What a precious gift to celebrate the covenant promises of God together with your church family Sunday morning.

    I was honored to be a part, and we will pray.

    Ken

    ReplyDelete
  11. Dearest Julie,
    You do not know me but i have been reading your blog for several days and i just finally have to comment.
    You are the sweetest, strongest most amazing women.
    I can not imagine what you are going through and what it is like to have your precious daughter at home not knowing for how long and falling in love with her more and more everyday.
    I admire your stregnth and courage and you, Noah and Magdalena are in our prayers daily.
    I am so glad that you have faith in God...he will guide you through.
    Love in christ,
    Juliana
    I am also a Julie and my son is a Noah so i find that i am even more drawn to you:)
    Keep the faith Honey and know that you are prayed for my so many people:)
    www.positivechaos.wordpress.com

    ReplyDelete
  12. I've been keeping up with you for several weeks now. We do not know each other, but I am praying for you daily. I check in with you every day! Magdalena is beautiful! Cherish these times!! You both are such wonderful parents! You are definately an inspiration to us all! Thinking of you in Georgia!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Autumn Walton10:13 PM

    Julie,
    Stay strong. This post brought me to tears. God will give you grace for each day, although this journey is never easy! Magdalena is such a lucky little girl to have such faithful and loving parents. Give Magdalena a little extra squeeze tonight. We are praying for you in KS.

    Autumn Walton

    ReplyDelete
  14. Praying for your precious family!

    ReplyDelete
  15. it was such a blessing to glimpse at her and kiss her on the head tonight! thank you for sharing her. i know things are confusing and scary, but God has seen you through this far and He will continue, by His grace to walk you through the next episode, though it won't be easy. i love y'all so much and am praying for y'all!

    ps i really like your bassinet! ;)

    ReplyDelete
  16. I'm not even sure how I came upon your blog, but I have been praying for your family for several months now. I can't even imagine what you are going through, but your strength and faith have been so inspiring. Enjoy today with your beautiful daughter!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Hugs and prayers...

    ReplyDelete
  18. Julie and Noah,

    Again I am amazed at the maturity and gratefulness God is portraying in you and your precious daughter. You are showing wisdom well beyond your years as you are trusting Him with every breath she takes.

    I have enlisted several missionaries on this side of the world to present you at the throne of the Father in prayer. May God continue to be glorified in this precious child and in the lives of her parents!!!

    Becky DeWett
    Kyiv, Ukraine

    ReplyDelete
  19. Magdalena you are such a fighter!
    What a tremendous little girl!
    And what courageous parents you have, nurturing you back to life and happiness.
    You are such a touching family.
    Thank you God

    ReplyDelete
  20. Praying for you Julie out here in California. I held my breath as I read your post and can only imagine the helplessness you felt with your sweet baby. I know God holds her close and is in control. I am just asking Him to reassure you moment by moment as you love this little miracle who is so dependent on you and her Maker. God bless you guys.

    Love, Laurie in Ca.

    ReplyDelete
  21. We keep up with your precious family through Katie E. and your blog. As someone else already wrote, I held my breath as I read this entry. How precious are the days you have with your sweet little one. Your thankful hearts show Jesus to the rest of us.
    Noele Sadler

    ReplyDelete
  22. good job mama

    good job talking yourself through it.
    good job surrendering to God and his plan.
    good job being the best mama & wife you can be!

    you can do this.

    if God brings you to it, just do it!

    *Deep breaths*

    ReplyDelete
  23. Anonymous9:29 AM

    Julie and Noah,

    I cannot begin to imagine what you went through yesterday, and have been through on at least one other occasion. I know so many people are praying for you all over the world, literally! To God be the glory! I know He is in control, and we are praying for you and Noah to have the strength to face each new day.

    We love you,

    Stan and Fran

    ReplyDelete
  24. Praying for strengh, praying for breath, praying for time - lots and lots of time with your precious Magdalena. Praying for joy, praying for fun.

    God bless you mightily as you walk through these uncertain days.
    Kathy

    ReplyDelete
  25. Anonymous12:32 PM

    If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
    Happy moments, praise God.
    Difficult moments, seek God.
    Quiet moments, worship God.
    Painful moments, trust God.
    Every moment, thank God.

    Love,
    Erin

    ReplyDelete
  26. Anonymous12:46 PM

    I cry everytime I read your blog, and I read it almost everyday. Everything about this sweet life touches my soul. I am still so humbled by your spirit and am lifting you all up.

    Wendy Copeland

    ReplyDelete
  27. Julie - You don't know me (I'm in Lori's SS class), but you have been such an inspiration to me throughout the past several months. I have kept updated on your blog and am so amazed by your sweet faith. I had my first child 5 weeks ago yesterday, and you and your situation have made me more and more thankful for his life and what he means to my husband and I. Thank you for sharing sweet Magdalena's story with the world, and please know that you are such a witness to people all over the world.

    Missy Davidson

    ReplyDelete
  28. Ohhh Julie-I am praying for you all! I remember those same moments so vividly....just like Magdalena...Josh's favorite place was skin to skin on my chest. Each time he had trouble breathing...I would quickly strip him down to his diaper and open my shirt to lay him next to my heart....heart to heart and skin to skin.

    God continues carrying you....you are such an example of God's love, grace and the hope we have in HIM...with everything...even your precious child, Magdalena.

    "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9

    You are a living testimony of God's strength.

    In Christ's love-Stacy

    ReplyDelete
  29. Please know that so many people are praying for each of you DAILY. I also held my breath as I read your blog today, and am ALWAYS encouraged by your faith in God. My Mom (who you met at Stef's wedding)is also praying for you and magdalena. I took my laptop to her home over the weekend so I could show her pictures of your sweet baby girl. She also said how beautiful YOU are!

    We love you so much and will continue to lift you up in prayer daily!

    DeeAnn & Jimmy

    ReplyDelete
  30. Julie, I just wanted to say that I love you. Precious little Magdalena Grace is so blessed to have you and Noah as parents. I check your blog often, and as many have said, this post was just so emotional. Thanks be to God that you and Noah have had so many answered prayers so far. We will continue to pray for Magdalena and your entire family is in our thoughts and prayers. God Bless You.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Anonymous7:24 PM

    You don't know me, but I love you. You have made me a more patient, loving mother, a more patient, loving wife, and have continually moved me to prayer.

    It is an honor to share the calling of parenthood with you.

    Let the love of this board and that of your family give you the strength to continue on your journey with such beautiful grace.

    Your love has made a difference in this world.

    ReplyDelete

I love to hear from you!