Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Pictures of Walt - Day 1

Julie just before being wheeled into the operating room!

Julie with Dr. C just before meeting Walt

Noah all ready to meet Walt with Jennifer (Gigi) and Lori (Loli)

Walt's big introduction to the world!

Proud Daddy!

Beautiful Little Guy

Walt showing off in the nursery for all the ladies

Julie gets to hold Walt for the first time!

Our wonderful nurse Karla handing Walt over to Julie in her own room

Little Walt and his sweet Mimi

Our pastor Ken Pierce came by to meet Walt

Catching a quick nap

Gigi and Walt

Loli finally getting to hold Walt!

Walt and Daddy

Our dear Friend Kim getting to hold Walt

Kimberly's husband, Ryan, and Walt

Walt finally gets to meet his cousins (left to right): Emma, Landon, Laura and Caroline

Walt and his uncle Stephen

Monday, September 28, 2009

Hello World!!

Here are my first pictures! Julie is on her way to the room and doing great. As we have more pictures, I will get them up for you to see.

Walter Douglas Roberts

Well Magdalena's little brother has finally made his grand entrance. Walt was born this morning at 8:02am, weighing 8 lbs 4 oz and 20 inches long. Both Mom, Dad, and Walt are doing great!

Friday, September 25, 2009

3 More Nights

72 hours from today I will be snuggling with little Walt, and I am ready. I am physically and emotionally ready to know him face to face. Any pregnant woman by this point truly feels as though they are losing their mind, so I know that I am not alone when I say that is what I have felt like. I can't remember anything. I can't concentrate, and I am constantly thinking of the things I need to be doing before Monday. None of these things are truly important, but they are part of the whole "nesting" process. I was so glad that my work found a sub for me early because I don't know if I could have passed the torch on in such a short period of time, but it also, gave me a little bit of a brain break on my last few days. I have been able to "let go" some (ok, I let go very quickly) of the things that I was trying to complete at work and fully focus on taking care of Noah and me. This is an emotional time for both of us. He doesn't write much, but he lost a daughter too and has had to try to lead a family while full of pain himself. We have also had to deal with so many emotions associated with grieving and having a new child that are very hard to explain. During the time when a younger sibling is born the big sis or big brother get to participate in so much of the fun too with t-shirts that claim their title and presents from family members. But also, the parents strive to make the child know that enough love exists to be shared. There is so much guilt inside of our hearts because we can't exactly "show" this to Magdalena, and although we know that she is loved greater now than ever could exist on this earth, we feel such guilt as parents for showing so much attention to Walt. Andrea, our NILMDTS (http://www.nilmdts.org/) photographer really helped to verbalize everything that I had been feeling over the summer. I had been worrying over getting many of Magdalena's pictures developed before Walt would be born, and it is because I didn't want to have Walt's pictures made ahead of Magdalena. I never wanted her to feel as though we just "moved on" and she was replaced. I had to realize that by doing small things for Walt does not make me a bad mother, and although I am not completely free from feelings of guilt, I do try to remember that Magdalena knows that I love her with my whole heart and by sharing love with Walt does not take any away from her. Sometimes I share these feelings with her by looking at her sweet face and just thinking "I love you" and mentally kissing her cheek. She knows. I know that she knows, but sometimes the emotions fly away from what the brain knows. As we share our joy of what God will bring us in the form of a baby boy, we are also striving to raise him and love him as God has commanded us to do. He will know of Magdalena, and he will know that he has brought us as much joy as she did. Yes, we can all still feel the pain of losing sweet, baby Magdalena, but now, I would like us all to love her but begin celebrating on what we are seeing on Monday, Walt!

Yes, I am excited. Yes, I am nervous. Yes, I have a billion butterflies in my stomach. I am a mother who is not naive to think nothing bad can happen to me, but I also know that it is all in God's perfect hands. I pray that God may he have mercy on our family and give us a healthy baby.

Please pray for us the following specific ways if you feel led:
  • To enjoy the upcoming moments with Walt and to cherish them and to not allow the place be a distractor in that joy
  • For Walt's safe delivery and his health (Monday, 9/28/09 at 7:30 am)
  • That Noah and I would communicate well with each other while having a newborn baby
  • Noah and I would learn to care for a "normal" baby
  • That others cannot help but see God's handiwork in Walt
  • Walt will believe in Jesus at an early age
John 12:44 - "And Jesus cried out and said, "Whoever believes in me, believes not in me but in him who sent me."
In the days ahead as we welcome little Walt into this world, I know that Noah and I will be scared but that we will also feel like David in Psalms 30. "You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever!"

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Less than 2 Weeks

Two weeks from yesterday we will meet Walt face to face, unless he decides he can't wait. And when people ask my due date, they always seem to have a response like..."get ready to hear lots of crying (costs going up, no sleep, etc.)", and I can truly say that Noah and I ARE ready to hear that noise again. These comments remind me of how easy it is to get caught up in the daily routine and forget your blessings. I know that I can easily forget how I married a wonderful man who loves me and is so sweet to me in spite of my pregnancy, grieving, freaking out hormones right now. And I know that I will have days of complaining, but I am ready to know that Walt is here. I want to see if his ears are lowered or fists clenched and to hear him breathing on his own. I know that even if the doctor tells me that everything is ok, I will constantly be overprotective of him. I have been telling God so many times that I just can't lose another child, but I never would have imagined to have survived the first lost. God and I constantly have these talks while I am crying to him. At every doctor's visit I am hoping to have Walt, and the doctor repeats that it would not be good for him to come early and how he doesn't want Walt to stay in the hospital longer than I do. But I feel as if I am holding him then I can protect him from all the bad that could possibly happen to him. I was reminded this past week when hearing that a 21 year old passed away that by seeing "normal" ears and hands does not mean that Walt is safe from the dangers of this world, and although I may try, I can't protect him. Only God can hold him safe in his hands. But I don't believe that by saying this truth that I can miraculously feel better because I don't. I know this to be true, but I believe that it will be a constant prayer for the rest of my life.
On a special occasion, like the birth of Walt, is a reminder that Magdalena is not here to celebrate it with us, and this is difficult not only for Noah and me, but for our entire family. The scent of the hospital, the nurses, and all that comes with the pregnancy/delivery will be a reminder of our pain, and as I think about having him my heart hurts for her, yet, I know that it will be sweet Joy too. Walt is so loved, and he has brought us so much hope as we dealt with our grieving.

"I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made." Psalms 139:14
Simply by being on this earth Magdalena and Walt have praised God through their existence. As I was planning out Walt's scrapbook page with the sonogram pictures I realized that I would put "Wonderfully Made" as the title. It isn't because the doctors think that he isn't sick, but because no matter what he looks like or the condition of his health, he is made perfectly as God intended, and this creation has been an incredible gift from God. I won't say that he was the best gift that God ever gave because Magdalena was pretty amazing, but a different kind of best. Just when you are think that your life has hit the bottom, God pulls his hand from behind his back and says, "Here you go. This is just for you.". He had it for your all along, but he was giving it on his time.

Saturday, September 05, 2009

Mimi loves Walt

We all know how much Mimi loves all of her grandkids, and each of them is spoiled in different ways. Look how she is already spoiling Walt. She wanted to be sure that he had special paintings made just for him when he came home. She came over and hung them on the wall too!

It is so hard to see all of the details, but Papa insisted that there should be a ladybug in the picture, so she put one on the tip of the lion's tail and to the right of the elephant. Mimi saw this particular elephant on a bag that someone gave me at a shower, and instantly knew she wanted to paint it!

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Easter Bunny in July

Every Easter the Easter bunny brings my sweet nieces a wooden egg with a small painting of whatever they were interested in that particular year, whether it be Hannah Montana, High School Musical, or Baby Einstein. This year the Easter Bunny brought all of their eggs a little later than usual, and Magdalena received one too. I was told by the Easter Bunny that I bring it out around Easter time with her basket, but lately it has been a treasured item by both Noah and me. I took a picture of it, carefully wrapped it up, and now, it is tucked away until next Easter. This is the perfect little egg for my sweet baby girl. Thank you "Easter Bunny".