O Love That Will Not Let Me Go

Noah and I finally added a little entertainment to our lives by subscribing to Netflix, and so far, it has been proven to be an incredible value!  I have been wanting to see quite a few of the movies, but we have never wanted to buy them, and one of those was Letters to God.  Since God is incorporated in movies in ways that I don't agree, usually, I only looked at the cover of this particular movie.  I finally put it on my queue, where it didn't remain long before my curiosity had peaked.  I was blown away by this movie!  It is so strong in value and God!  I cried good tears for most of the movie, and, yet, I was still happy at the end of it that I had watched it.  A young boy fighting for his life with a terrible cancer impacts all those who encounter him through his relationship with God.  No one can look at this suffering boy without thinking of Jesus.  It was a boy who chose to live his life by glorifying God in all that he did, and in o...

I have let The Healing Path  by Dan Allender sit on my heart for a little while now, and I am still unsure of how to write a summary in just one blog post.  It was like nothing I have read before.  So many books on suffering deal with the heart, which is the main part of it all, but this book takes it to the next step.  It takes the reader through dealing with the issue.  Right above Dan Allender's picture on the back of the book it says "Don't Waste your Pain.", and that is the book explained in it's simplest form.  God has used Dan Allender's words to make me reflect on how I act and make decisions on my loss.  Most days it has been easier to turn off my mind off to a situation so that it will not acknowledge what my heart feels.  By ignoring it my life seemed normal, but it wasn't. I can only cover it up for so long before my actions show what my heart truly feels.  It is so hard to find a balance in dealing with loss and still living ...

Since Magdalena's death I have thought about heaven more than ever.  It is constantly on my mind because I know that only in heaven will be us as God had planned for us to truly be.  Our pain in this world reminds us that God can only satisfy what we truly want and need.  This song always gets me choked up and gives me a freedom to praise God in a big way.  I try to use big words but sometimes all I need to say is "Hallelujah!" to truly express how I feel.  Because of the Cross we can praise God intimately.

After hearing the song "Blessings", I was definitely interested in hearing the other songs that Laura Story had written for her new album. I have not been disappointed. She has not strayed from the worship music that she is known for, and so, this is not the type of music that will leave you unchanged (She wrote the song, "Indescribable", sung by Chris Tomlin.) . For me, all but one of the songs gave me a time to praise God while driving in the car. The track, "Prodigal Song", is a good song, but I don't consider it a typical worship song. Walt praised God on many of the songs by dancing in his car seat!

Please watch this interview with Nancy Guthrie. God is using her to give us sweet reminders of why we are here on earth. http://vimeo.com/19982404

Psalm 13 How long, O Lord ? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me? Consider and answer me, O Lord my God; light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death, lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him,” lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken. But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord , because he has dealt bountifully with me. I love it when God allows me to remember what I have previously read so that I can keep His word in my heart. So often I think that I forget it too fast, although I wish not to lose it. I am reading Heart Aflame - Daily Readings from Calvin on the Psalms , and Calvin says, "that the Psalmist does not as yet feel how much he has profited by praying but depending upon the hope of deliverance , which the faithful promise of God enabled h...

2 Corinthians 4:18 as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. With a few other women I am studying the book of James with a guide by Elizabeth George. Everyone's trial is different, one not greater or worse than the other. God uses each one to mold us and to draw us nearer to him. Even in the midst of my personal trials, God has blessed me with the freedom to study His word publicly and write this blog! God has been laying on my heart to pray for those who are suffer persecution in the world for being a Christian and to count it as a blessing that I may love him openly without fearing for my life. James 1:2-4 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. After stud...

We have a KLOVE radio channel where I live, and although the play a lot of the same songs very frequently, we do enjoy it. And that is where I do hear new songs that are encouraging, reminder,s and worship songs. This song was beautiful, and I couldn't let a day go by without sharing it. Untitled Hymn Chris Rice Weak and wounded sinner Lost and left to die O, raise your head, for Love is passing by Come to Jesus Come to Jesus Come to Jesus and live! Now your burden’s lifted And carried far away And precious blood has washed away the stain...so Sing to Jesus Sing to Jesus Sing to Jesus and live! And like a newborn baby Don’t be afraid to crawl And remember when you walk, sometimes we fall...so Fall on Jesus Fall on Jesus Fall on Jesus and live! Sometimes the way is lonely And steep and filled with pain So if your sky is dark and pours the rain...then Cry to Jesus Cry to Jesus Cry to Jesus and live! O, and when the love spills over And music fills the night And when you can’t conta...

Just as I was folding towels today God gave my heart a little present. I want to ALWAYS be happy that Magdalena is with her Jesus never to suffer the sins of this world, but when I am not happy it doesn't mean that I am sad. It has taken me some time to realize this emotion because I get a guilty feeling for sometimes lacking the excitement of what she must be doing right now in God's presence. (I always imagine her with a pink tutu on dancing as a way of worship.) But shouldn't I be homesick because feel odd to be in this world? If I am too comfortable maybe I am being too worldly. This life is so short, and we never know how short. Shouldn't I be more outspoken, more demanding that my time be Christ-centered? This Mercy Me song came on that gave me the correct adjective. I am homesick, and I will be praying that my life will become more Christ-centered so that I am even more homesick. By Jesus Magdalena and I are able to meet again, and on days like her birth...

Lamentations 3: 22-24 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. "The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him." Jeremiah encourage us in this verse that in the midst of our world falling apart around us, we can have confidence in the Lord. What a sweet reminder of our confidence when our hearts are breaking. It is so important for me to dive into scripture and saturate myself in God's promises when my heart tells me lies (Jeremiah 17:9 "The heart is deceitful"), so that my mind can override it with what I know to be true. These two videos are so sweet to me because they are a constant reminder of what a huge blessing my family was to us. They would come and love on Magdalena with all their might. Grandmom always captured Magdalena's attention even when so tired like she was in this video having just eaten. Lori would c...

Matthew 19:26 “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Both Noah and I agreed that we wanted to share some of our favorite video moments with our sweet Magdalena over the next two days. This isn't so that you will cry more than what words will cause, but so that we can really praise God through his beautiful handiwork that we see in every moment of her life. We were told all that Magdalena would not be able to do, but through her short life we saw how God truly can work the impossible. He gave us so many moments of her little abilities. Magdalena's pediatrician, Dr. B, always encouraged Magdalena to the next step within our comfort zone and cheered her on the entire time. Dr. B showed us ways to work on her neck strength at about four months old, and we enjoyed showing off her moves the next visit. In the following two videos we see Magdalena's neck getting stronger. Mimi tried working with her too, but who wants to work when Mimi is arou...

My Psalm for today was beautiful, Psalm 4. I highlighted my favorite parts of the chapter below. It reminded me that God's mercy on us isn't what we expect or ask of him. He knows the big picture in a bigger way than we do. The night before Magdalena died Noah and I took shifts staying awake. We knew she was sick, but I don't know if we acknowledge that this could be the time for her to go home. As I attempted sleep while Noah stayed awake I sobbed and cried out to God for mercy. In my mind that mercy meant more time. I have never felt like God did not hear me, but today as I read Psalm for it was a reminder that in the greatest of things and the tiniest of details God's mercy may not be what we expect. What I had been asking of him was all for me, not for Magdalena whose body was tired, and definitely not for God's glory. I wanted to hold on tight to a life that was not mine to begin with. He did have mercy on me in ways that I never knew to ask, one is ...

Last weekend I went on a women's retreat, and with the preparations before and after, I have not posted. It was an amazing time of study, reflection, and fellowship. I have struggled for so long getting to know people again. Noah gently pushes me, but I prefer very much to myself and my family. I don't go anywhere without Noah if I don't know the people well. He relieves me of the social pressure. Since I have moved in between two of the most social people ever, I have been forced to either jump on the boat or stay on the shore. Well, I jumped on the boat and went to the retreat, and it was an amazing experience for me. One of the things that I have struggled with is prayer. It is definitely a heart issue that God was dealing with me on because it is easy to pray when things are fantastic. It is easier to bring something before God when you need something. But praying when you don't like the hand that you have been dealt can be a bit more challenging. I had t...

Thank you for responding to my last post. It will be amazing to see what God does in the months ahead. We are not planning to sell the hankies, but through donations made mail them to special mommies who have lost a child. It may be a little while before thing get in motion, but if you know of someone who has lost a child, please, email me their info. We are working on the finishing touches, and I am hoping to post a picture of one soon. It isn't about mailing a hankie, but it is about loving on these parents who are experiencing one of the worst kinds of pain. We want to let them know about the joy that will help them through the storm and hold them. I heard this song the morning I decided the name would be Joy in the Morning, and I knew that this was exactly what I wanted to do. Although I don't know the details, I know that I want to love them like Jesus. Thank you, Casting Crowns, for writing so many songs that has pointed me to Jesus in the last two years. ...

I am the type of person that likes to plan so that everything within my power works out well. To accomplish this I make a list out for everything because crossing it out when the task is completed always gives me great satisfaction. Usually I am busy working and completing my list that I get much more done, but this summer I have had a bit more time on my hands. This can be good and bad. I had dreaded it knowing that too much quiet time makes me mourn too long, but yet, at the same time not enough quiet time to mourn makes me break down some days. The past few days I have been on my feet so much because of all that I was doing, which can be hard on the ankles and back when my body is carrying this extra weight, but it is good to have busy hands too! Combine that with a hard Magdalena day, and I was destined to have a bad night sleeping. I awoke needing an "off" morning because there wasn't a spot on my body both physically and emotionally that didn't hurt. In ...

Ok, so I have a confession to make. I am like a teenager when it comes to some of the music I like. It would be impossible for me to be married to Noah without having partly good taste in music, but every now and then there is an artist/show that I like that is not intended to be watched by my age group. For example, I would pick to watch the Disney channel any day of the week, and I have realized that this is because it is "safe". Although the shows can be stupid at times, they are not emotionally draining as adult movies can be, which I cannot handle. All of this to say that this post is about a song by Miley Cyrus that got me thinking. I am sure that the song has nothing to do with what I thought about when hearing it, but it reminded me so much of how the smallest reminders get help set us straight at times. So if you are totally against teeny boppers, please, no pressure to watch it, but I am putting the link here just in case someone has not heard the song but would lik...

Lamentations 3:22-23, "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." In the upcoming week I will be surrounded by my family, but half of me has left. Noah is on his way to Colorado with the youth, and I am here missing him. So that I can rest well at night I am leaving to stay with my parents, and I am sure there I will have a ton of fun with them, but there is nothing like having your hubby around. When we were spending some time together yesterday I realized how much I was dreading him leaving me. We have been separated before; when I went to Mexico on a mission trip and for other various things we spent nights apart, but I was truly dreading being apart from him. Yet, this is the first time we have been apart since Magdalena has passed. Noah and I have talked about how much harder it is to be at home without the other one here because we think more about her, and it makes our ...

First, I want to apologize for not recognizing the amazing March for Babies team we had this year before now. I cannot wait to tell you all about it! As you can imagine it was an emotional event for my family and me that we poured our hearts into, and by Monday I really had a breakdown. I didn't want the walk to be a sad event, but an amazing one in which we celebrated the amazing 167 days that God blessed us with, and also, give us a chance to share Magdalena's life with others. So I kept inside the tears, but they were bound to leak out at some point. Once they started there was no more holding it in. I just needed a few days to regroup and gather my strength up again for other battles that await. I didn't want to write about my anger and sadness because I know that those are not my true feelings. They only come around when the devil does a sneak attack during an emotionally tired time. My anger for a few days made me act as a child does when they are mad, not ta...