Monday, June 29, 2009

Getting a Schedule, Getting it Together

I am the type of person that likes to plan so that everything within my power works out well. To accomplish this I make a list out for everything because crossing it out when the task is completed always gives me great satisfaction. Usually I am busy working and completing my list that I get much more done, but this summer I have had a bit more time on my hands. This can be good and bad. I had dreaded it knowing that too much quiet time makes me mourn too long, but yet, at the same time not enough quiet time to mourn makes me break down some days. The past few days I have been on my feet so much because of all that I was doing, which can be hard on the ankles and back when my body is carrying this extra weight, but it is good to have busy hands too! Combine that with a hard Magdalena day, and I was destined to have a bad night sleeping. I awoke needing an "off" morning because there wasn't a spot on my body both physically and emotionally that didn't hurt. In a chair with my muffin and coffee was as far as I made it, and Noah was so sweet to me before he left for work. Although there were many things on my list, if I didn't take the time to just be still I knew that the day would a waste. I took it easy for about half of the day, and then, I felt much better in so many ways.
Throughout the summer I have been focusing on trying to establish more of a disciplined study/reading time in God's word. I fail miserably at this some days letting my mind wonder instead of focusing, but I appreciate so much when God grants me the grace to focus only on Him and nothing else. Along with studying his word more I have attempted to be social a tad more. I wouldn't say that I am at every event when the church opens the doors, but I am trying to fellowship more with other believers. I know that it is important to do, but since returning to the States my life has been upside down. First, it was that I was finishing my masters. Then, I had Magdalena. Both of these things were so good in my life! And now, I have more time to go, but it can be so hard. Noah gently pushes, and I am slowly opening up when days are good taking it one day at a time. It has become easier to remember names, ask questions, and truly get to know a few people, but the hardest right now is trying to meet someone that I have never met before. In fact, honestly, I avoid it all together. (Again, Noah meets everyone, so he is always introducing me.) So many days I am not ready to answer the question, "Is this your first child?", when the new person sees that I am pregnant. It takes a lot of energy to get to know new people, and it seems as though I just don't have it in me any more. I used to be VERY social, but life has changed me. I don't want to be bitter about it, even though some days I think that I am, but I am trying to overcome it. It isn't like a huge leap that I am taking, yet, I just don't have the strength. I am more making small steps up a gigantic slope hoping to get to the point where I can truly love on people with normal, every day problems again.

2 comments:

  1. Julie, that makes perfect sense. Know that there's someone praying for you in Belgium. Step by step. Love, Megan

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  2. Julie, you are helping me identify with feelings I never knew I had. I remember not knowing how to answer the 'is this your first child question'? Neither "no" nor "yes" seemed right. Your blog is so helpful to me. I thank you for your honesty and sharing it with others. love you. Wendy

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