O Love That Will Not Let Me Go

1 Corinthians 2:7-9 But we impart a secret and hidden wisdom of God, which God decreed before the ages for our glory.   None of the rulers of this age understood this, for if they had, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory. But, as it is written, “What no eye has seen, nor ear heard,  nor the heart of man imagined  what God has prepared for those who love him”— Heaven "is our fondest desire, and yet it is such a mystery".  Any time that I envision Magdalena is heaven she is always wearing a tu-tu.  I am sure she is singing praises with her voice to God, but since her body held her back on this earth, I see her praising God through dance with her healthy body.  There are many mysteries to heaven, but I am confident that she is radiant with the reflection of God's beautiful design.  She was the most beautiful baby girl on this earth, so I am sure that she is even more beautiful in heaven while her face is lit up in praise.  Randy ...

Through Nancy Guthrie's teachings, including this week's reading, I have been really searching through Christian hope and what it means to have it.  This hope has been after me, and I am slowly getting it.  God is breaking me to see his truth so that I can rest in Him as he completes his perfect will for my life.   "Hope: the expectation of a favorable future under God's direction" .  Because of how daily we use the word "hope", this past year has been to apply the true meaning of hope to my life.  When all of what I had "hoped" for on this earth begins to fade from my reach, I am now convicted that my "true hopes and dreams can only be fulfilled in God" (pg. 154).  I will not watch Magdalena grow up, but my God has not forsaken me, and this life is but a second to the time that I will have in eternity with both of them.  My hope is secure in Jesus life, death, and resurrection.  "Biblical hope is based on what God has said, not...

" Let (the Cross) saturate your soul, let it penetrate your spirit, let it subdue your faculties, let it take the reins of all of your powers and guide you thither it will.  Let the Redeemer, he whose hands were pierced for you, sway the scepter of your spirit and rule over you this day, and world without end ." - Charles Spurgeon Before Christ's life on earth we could not approach the throne of God, but because of the Cross, we are cleansed of our sins and can personally go before God.  What keeps us from drawing near to the Cross where we can lay down our troubles, fears, and disappointments?  How often do I wear a cross as jewlry without stopping to thank God for the hope that his has given me through his sacrifice? God gave us his son to pay off our debts caused by our sins so that we may belong to God.  Belonging to God means that all we do should glorify Him, not ourselves.  Eeek!  How often do I do things for my own selfish gain?  " Th...

I have never watched The Passion of the Christ , but within the first paragraph Nancy Guthrie has me convicted of my reasoning for not seeing it.  It is real.  The blood, suffering, and death of Christ are real from the past, and these things should not be ignored.  This movie definitely is not a requirement for heaven, but through discerning eyes, it can better our understanding. I must say this every chapter, but I am convicted.  I acknowledge what Christ has done for me by dying and God by giving up his son, but it is hard to think of the details of such a gruesome death.  My thinking is completely wrong because I stop on the death of it all.  Through this chapter I learned not to stop there, and I pray that God will continue to allow my life to reflect it.  By such a shameful death, I can find hope and guidance for my life.  A Christian hope describes a definite hope that we have.  It isn't a possibility as in "I hope you ...

2 Peter 1:3-5 His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire. For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, Page one of this chapter was convicting because I began to think of how often I complain to God about what he has not given me or what he seems to have kept from me without considering the greatest gift that he has even bestowed upon us all, Jesus. Romans 8:32 - He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Through Jesus' life and death we do not have to pay the death for all sins against God because Jesus has taken ou...

Psalm 9:9-10 The Lord is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O Lord , have not forsaken those who seek you. Through specific verses we are able to learn more about God's character. He is the the Creator , the God Most High, the God who sees , the all-sufficient One, the self-existent One, the Lord provides , the Lord who heals, the Lord our banner, the Lord who sanctifies , peace, Lord of hosts, the Lord my shepherd, the Lord our righteousness, and the Lord who is there. Knowing God's character during trials helps to keep us from doubting. It reminded me of how truly knowing Noah allows me to trust him and his decisions, and slowly as I know him more this trust increases. I have a tendency to go to the end of the chapter sometimes and read the questions before I read the chapter. It helps me to think on them as I study God more in depth. Under "Reflection" it ask...

Jeremiah 9:23-24 Thus says the Lord : “Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom, let not the mighty man boast in his might, let not the rich man boast in his riches but let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows me, that I am the Lord who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth. For in these things I delight, declares the Lord .” I don't see how Nancy did it, but she did. She was able to write about knowing God in just one chapter. What a daunting task to have taken on! There is a book that I read awhile back that I would recommend, and I know that I need to read it again! Knowing God by J.I. Packer takes on knowing God into short chapters to create a whole book. Don't let the number of pages in each chapter fool you though because sometimes they have to be read multiple times. It is a worthwhile read to help you dive into scripture. "God never has an off day. he is never inconsistent with his character." For u...

Psalm 16:8-11 I have set the Lord always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken. 9 Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure. 10 For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol, or let your holy one see corruption. 11 You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore. This was one of my favorite chapters, and it caused me to really do some self evaluation. How closely am I walking with God? At times why do I exchange this great gift from God for something of this world. For me, it is control. I want to be in control of all that is going on in my life, and when things are not going according to plan, like with Magdalena's sickness, I am forced to remember that God's power is greater than mine. His plan is better than mine, and I will not always see his reasoning in every situation. I have to completely let go of everything to fully...

Psalm 103: 1-5 Bless the Lord , O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name! 2 Bless the Lord , O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, 3 who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, 4 who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, 5 who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's. Week 13's readings definitely ties together with week 12 that I would like to consider this a continuation of what I have already written. Although God may not choose to heal the person we love in the way that we would like, he has done the ultimate healing. That is so hard to remember when my arms ache for my sweet girl, and I wonder "why?", but that is why it is so important for me to have scripture known. Because my mind so often needs to remind my heart of what I know to be true. Magdalena is healed , and I believe that she is dancing with a pink tutu on right now along with a p...

John 20: 30-31 Now Jesus did many other signs in the presence of the disciples, which are not written in this book; but these are written so that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name. As I am writing this I am praying for the words I use. A miracle is a "supernatural event that defies the laws of nature". When Jesus displays his power to perform miracles there is nothing that the people did to deserve it, and in the opposite direction for those he did not heal, there is nothing that the people didn't do. If we center on the actions of the people we lose our focus on what he to be the center of our attention, JESUS! Jesus performed these miracles so that people would believe that He was the Messiah (John 20:30-31) (page 92). The most important miracle is that God works a life changing miracle within us so that we lives our lives fully committed to Him. God didn't choose to heal Magdalena on t...

Some of you may still be confused about titles of blog posts that begin with "Week", but there is a book by Nancy Guthrie titled The One Year Book of Hope , which I have been slowly reading through. Some readers have joined with me and post comments while others follow along silently. This book is not for those who have lost a child specifically, but it is for anyone who has suffered. At the top of my blog there is a button that says "One Year of Hope", and it will direct you to all of my journaling on the book. Join us late if you like, so that you too can see the hope in Christ. This chapter came in the midst of a lot of things happening, and it was kind of hard to swallow. Many of you may have more to say about feeling protected by God, and please, speak up through commenting so that other readers may benefit through your story. For me, it was a reminder that I have not been forsaken. Psalms 91 91:1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide...

"God's sovereignty is our greatest hope as we face an uncertain an unknown future." The plans of the heart belong to man but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord . - Proverbs 16:1 Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand. - Proverbs 19:21 When Noah and I returned from Mexico we were desperately looking for jobs. It was July so that meant that most of the "good" teaching positions had been filled, and I was certain that I would not find one. But Noah and I need insurance, money, and what we thought was most important, security. Within the first week of our arrival in the states, I sat next to a pregnant woman at the pool and as we talked my future insurance plans began to be formed. She told me of how her husband drove a school bus in order to provide insurance for the family, and just as we were talking her husband walked up and handed me all of the information that Noah would need to apply. This ...

This was a beautiful chapter to me because so often in the midst of suffering or hurting my heart doesn't feel God's love. I feel so far from it, but we are reminded through scripture that God's love is not a "sentimental feeling nor is it circumstantial. It is an inner confidence in his loving intentions that gives us the security and strength we need for enduring the difficulties of this life." We gain this confidence through studying and memorizing scripture so that when the storm hits and our feelings tell us God is not here, our mind is reminded of what He has told us and done for us through His love. God demonstrates His own love for us in this; While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. -Romans 5:8 "There is an enemy who seeks to destroy you", and the lowest points in life is when the enemy, Satan, tries to knock you down farther. Rest peacefully knowing that "You are engraved on the palms of his (God's) hands - never off of his...

I have avoided this week's study and put it off as long as possible. It forces me to consciously think about the day that Magdalena died. Just as Nancy begins the chapter with how she "feels the weight and trauma of it as if it were yesterday", I do too. January 13th is that day, and just its presence creeping up on my causes my heart to triple in weight. I remember holding onto her life, not wanting her to leave me, but also, I did not want her to suffer. Even now as I look back, I can see how God gave her and our family so much mercy by now allowing her to suffer when he brought her to be with Him. This eases my mind, but it doesn't make me miss her any less. Before Magdalena I am not sure how often I thought of death. I think that I associated it more with getting old and a natural part of life, but I can't say that I have ever feared it, and now, after losing Magdalena, fear has not crossed my mind. I know that it is not like that for all of you. ...

The God who made the world and everything in it, being Lord of heaven and earth, does not live in temples made by man, nor is he served by human hands, as though he needed anything, since he himself gives to all mankind life and breath and everything. that they should seek God, in the hope that they might feel their way toward him and find him. Yet he is actually not far from each one of us; For in him we live and move and exist. - Acts 17:24-25, 27-28 Wow! This week was a hit to the heart, and made me really evaluate my heart on so many levels. Just because I write what I have learned does not mean that I am perfect in these areas! As I write I pray that God will change my life in such a dramatic way that every ounce of me glorifies Him. I am still so selfish with things that come to my life and the lives of my children. I want to squeeze them in my arms and guard them as though they are mine to keep forever. "One was that the value of a life is not determined by how long...

As far as I am concerned, God turned good what you meant for evil. - Genesis 50:20 With our situation, as I am sure it is with you, we asked the question why? many times while in others God's presence was much more obvious. For me, the times that I questioned our situation Satan was attacking me to question God, but I know that God is in control of all situations. Nothing happens against what He will allow. What I liked most about this chapter is that it is for all who have suffered in different ways. It doesn't have to be due to the loss of a child. The reasons that given in this chapter, and supported with scripture are 1.) natural consequences for your sin or someone else's sin, 2.) the result of a living in a fallen, broken world, 3.) suffering Satan has brought, or 4.) discipline through hardship. My hope is that so many of you are reading this book along with me, and if you aren't, I would really encourage you to read this chapter along with the scripture in...

God offers compassion to those of us who are suffering. If you had said that to me while I was having to say goodbye to Magdalena, I am not sure if I would have agreed with the word compassion because my heart was torn into pieces, but I am truly learning that God knows much more than I do. He sees things on a grander scale than I could ever imagine. I am going to be quoting Nancy directly a lot during this chapter because I don't want anything missed when these are such sweet reminders of how truly awesome our God is. "Worshiping God does not require that we understand or approve of what God has allowed into our lives; it simply requires a heart that desires to trust God and a will that is bent toward obedience to God regardless of our feelings. We worship God because he is worthy, not because we necessarily feel like it. And as we worship in the midst of our pain, we are able to gain perspective on that pain. This is a costly worship - which makes it all the more wor...

This week's study is going to be hard for me to write in one posting, but I am going to try. As I sit in my reading/writing chair, the sunlight is pouring in on me, my favorite time. I have prayed about what to write here because this a very important week. If you have been reading this book for answers to your pain or if you read my blog expecting to learn exactly how to deal with loss, then, you have turned to the wrong source. Everyone grieves differently, and if you don't feel the exact same way as I do, or if you are at a different place, I pray that you know it is ok. If you felt like you would find a simple, fix-it solution to the pain in your heart from this book, I am afraid to tell you that you won't. Both are helpful, but not the ultimate solution . The main comfort in the midst of your pain and sorrow is our God. That is why I am praying so intently that God gives me the right words to write here because if you do not know this God or his son Jesus Chris...