Sunday, May 23, 2010

Tutus and a Few Boohoos

As Father's Day approaches Daddy stuff is everywhere, and yesterday morning I made a quick trip to Wal-mart to get some diapers and there were all of the pink "Daddy's cupcake" and "I love my Daddy" shirts. It took all I had not to cry right there, so I walked away, got diapers, and left. Walt and I headed to the dance recital of my 4 year old niece, Laura, who loves to be in anything shiny and dresses are a must. One of the first few dances were small girls dressed in pink tutus dancing, and I lost it. It took all I had to gain enough composure to sit through the rest of the recital because everything reminded me of what I had lost. I don't mean this as a "woe is me" statement, but just another time when I will cry. It was as though I could see Magdalena in that pink tutu twirling around without a care not realizing that we are all staring.

I am not comfortable crying in public, but I am realizing that there is nothing wrong with tears, and so what if I make people uncomfortable. If I cry, that is just my time to cry. (Ok, so to be honest, I am still working through this when most of the time I feel the need to be brave for everyone, and spare everyone else of my tears.) The best part about this time of boohoos was that I had a special blessing sitting right in my arms nuzzling up to me as I cried. Although God chose to take away a piece of me, my sweet daughter, he filled my arms with another adorable child. Walt does not replace Magdalena, but when I am crying, Walt is my reminder that God is faithful. God hears my cries. Through my pain, God has blessed me beyond words, and this blessing is tangible because I hold him daily.
He we are playing with a ball together.

Walt drinking out of a cup for the first time.

My sweet friend, Laura, who lost her son Tucker to SIDS is pregnant with her 3rd child, her first girl! Laura is so special to our family, and she was an amazing support to us!

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

One Year of Hope Returns

If you have put your One Year of Hope down as I have, it is time to pick it back up! I am sorry that I let you guys down by not continuing forward, but I really needed to spend my time letting go of the days' stress for awhile there. I hope that you haven't lost your book! I hope that you will join us again!

Saturday, May 08, 2010

A Mommy to Two

Walt can make some of the hardest holidays, the sweetest. Although I am Magdalena's mommy this weekend, I am also the mommy to this sweet boy. He makes me smile and laugh. God's timing is perfect in all things. I don't know if I would have chosen to be pregnant and the entire time it was emotionally hard, but this weekend I am Walt's mommy too, and this face lightens my heart when it feels so heavy with grief.