I am not comfortable crying in public, but I am realizing that there is nothing wrong with tears, and so what if I make people uncomfortable. If I cry, that is just my time to cry. (Ok, so to be honest, I am still working through this when most of the time I feel the need to be brave for everyone, and spare everyone else of my tears.) The best part about this time of boohoos was that I had a special blessing sitting right in my arms nuzzling up to me as I cried. Although God chose to take away a piece of me, my sweet daughter, he filled my arms with another adorable child. Walt does not replace Magdalena, but when I am crying, Walt is my reminder that God is faithful. God hears my cries. Through my pain, God has blessed me beyond words, and this blessing is tangible because I hold him daily.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
As Father's Day approaches Daddy stuff is everywhere, and yesterday morning I made a quick trip to Wal-mart to get some diapers and there were all of the pink "Daddy's cupcake" and "I love my Daddy" shirts. It took all I had not to cry right there, so I walked away, got diapers, and left. Walt and I headed to the dance recital of my 4 year old niece, Laura, who loves to be in anything shiny and dresses are a must. One of the first few dances were small girls dressed in pink tutus dancing, and I lost it. It took all I had to gain enough composure to sit through the rest of the recital because everything reminded me of what I had lost. I don't mean this as a "woe is me" statement, but just another time when I will cry. It was as though I could see Magdalena in that pink tutu twirling around without a care not realizing that we are all staring.