Less than 2 Weeks

Two weeks from yesterday we will meet Walt face to face, unless he decides he can't wait. And when people ask my due date, they always seem to have a response like..."get ready to hear lots of crying (costs going up, no sleep, etc.)", and I can truly say that Noah and I ARE ready to hear that noise again. These comments remind me of how easy it is to get caught up in the daily routine and forget your blessings. I know that I can easily forget how I married a wonderful man who loves me and is so sweet to me in spite of my pregnancy, grieving, freaking out hormones right now. And I know that I will have days of complaining, but I am ready to know that Walt is here. I want to see if his ears are lowered or fists clenched and to hear him breathing on his own. I know that even if the doctor tells me that everything is ok, I will constantly be overprotective of him. I have been telling God so many times that I just can't lose another child, but I never would have imagined to have survived the first lost. God and I constantly have these talks while I am crying to him. At every doctor's visit I am hoping to have Walt, and the doctor repeats that it would not be good for him to come early and how he doesn't want Walt to stay in the hospital longer than I do. But I feel as if I am holding him then I can protect him from all the bad that could possibly happen to him. I was reminded this past week when hearing that a 21 year old passed away that by seeing "normal" ears and hands does not mean that Walt is safe from the dangers of this world, and although I may try, I can't protect him. Only God can hold him safe in his hands. But I don't believe that by saying this truth that I can miraculously feel better because I don't. I know this to be true, but I believe that it will be a constant prayer for the rest of my life.
On a special occasion, like the birth of Walt, is a reminder that Magdalena is not here to celebrate it with us, and this is difficult not only for Noah and me, but for our entire family. The scent of the hospital, the nurses, and all that comes with the pregnancy/delivery will be a reminder of our pain, and as I think about having him my heart hurts for her, yet, I know that it will be sweet Joy too. Walt is so loved, and he has brought us so much hope as we dealt with our grieving.

"I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made." Psalms 139:14
Simply by being on this earth Magdalena and Walt have praised God through their existence. As I was planning out Walt's scrapbook page with the sonogram pictures I realized that I would put "Wonderfully Made" as the title. It isn't because the doctors think that he isn't sick, but because no matter what he looks like or the condition of his health, he is made perfectly as God intended, and this creation has been an incredible gift from God. I won't say that he was the best gift that God ever gave because Magdalena was pretty amazing, but a different kind of best. Just when you are think that your life has hit the bottom, God pulls his hand from behind his back and says, "Here you go. This is just for you.". He had it for your all along, but he was giving it on his time.