Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Less than 2 Weeks

Two weeks from yesterday we will meet Walt face to face, unless he decides he can't wait. And when people ask my due date, they always seem to have a response like..."get ready to hear lots of crying (costs going up, no sleep, etc.)", and I can truly say that Noah and I ARE ready to hear that noise again. These comments remind me of how easy it is to get caught up in the daily routine and forget your blessings. I know that I can easily forget how I married a wonderful man who loves me and is so sweet to me in spite of my pregnancy, grieving, freaking out hormones right now. And I know that I will have days of complaining, but I am ready to know that Walt is here. I want to see if his ears are lowered or fists clenched and to hear him breathing on his own. I know that even if the doctor tells me that everything is ok, I will constantly be overprotective of him. I have been telling God so many times that I just can't lose another child, but I never would have imagined to have survived the first lost. God and I constantly have these talks while I am crying to him. At every doctor's visit I am hoping to have Walt, and the doctor repeats that it would not be good for him to come early and how he doesn't want Walt to stay in the hospital longer than I do. But I feel as if I am holding him then I can protect him from all the bad that could possibly happen to him. I was reminded this past week when hearing that a 21 year old passed away that by seeing "normal" ears and hands does not mean that Walt is safe from the dangers of this world, and although I may try, I can't protect him. Only God can hold him safe in his hands. But I don't believe that by saying this truth that I can miraculously feel better because I don't. I know this to be true, but I believe that it will be a constant prayer for the rest of my life.
On a special occasion, like the birth of Walt, is a reminder that Magdalena is not here to celebrate it with us, and this is difficult not only for Noah and me, but for our entire family. The scent of the hospital, the nurses, and all that comes with the pregnancy/delivery will be a reminder of our pain, and as I think about having him my heart hurts for her, yet, I know that it will be sweet Joy too. Walt is so loved, and he has brought us so much hope as we dealt with our grieving.

"I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made." Psalms 139:14
Simply by being on this earth Magdalena and Walt have praised God through their existence. As I was planning out Walt's scrapbook page with the sonogram pictures I realized that I would put "Wonderfully Made" as the title. It isn't because the doctors think that he isn't sick, but because no matter what he looks like or the condition of his health, he is made perfectly as God intended, and this creation has been an incredible gift from God. I won't say that he was the best gift that God ever gave because Magdalena was pretty amazing, but a different kind of best. Just when you are think that your life has hit the bottom, God pulls his hand from behind his back and says, "Here you go. This is just for you.". He had it for your all along, but he was giving it on his time.

12 comments:

  1. Great post, Julie. Our children defintitely are only "loaned" to us and I frankly don't know how parents get through a day without knowing the Lord. It's all so scary and wonderful and full of amazing blessings.

    Two weeks and counting! Please keep us posted on all things Walt.
    Praying for God's perfect timing and all the details of his birth.

    God bless and keep you as you patiently wait...

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  2. Amen! That was an amazing post...I really enjoyed reading it. Praying for you as this new one gets ready to make his big entrance into the world. Magdalena is gonna be a wonderful big sister...smiling down in perfect health at her little brother and her wonderful parents!

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  3. I can't begin to imagine the mix of joy, sorrow and other emotions that y'all are experiencing right now and I'm thankful that you're letting us know as much as you can. We're praying for y'all and looking forward to meeting Walt.

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  4. Thinking of you during this special time. Make sure to have someone let us all know when the big day comes and share pics. Can't wait to see that sweet baby:)

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  5. great to hear from you.
    I can't believe there's only 2 weeks! WOW!
    Praying for ya'll

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  6. WOW Julie!! I can't believe he is almost here! I am so very happy for you and Noah. I will be praying for you to be able to have joy throughout this beautiful experience. And that God will walk you through and help you to feel His presence and protection through all of the scary and sorrow-filled familiar hospital sounds and familiar smells and familiar pains. And then I pray that you will be able to relax as he breathes beside you and you experience the joy of having a son!

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  7. I am so excited for you! Best wishes to everyone. You are in our prayers. Christy and Liam

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  8. What a great inspirational post! I cannot wait to see sweet little Walt...his big sister will be so proud and will always watch over him!

    Linda

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  9. Can't wait to "meet" Magdelenas brother.

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  10. Such a true post- we cannot protect them form everything but we can only share the joy they bring. My sons are now 21 and 20 abnd I still worry everyday that they make the right choices to be safe and know God.
    How exciting that Walt will be here soon and that he has such a wonderful big sister in Magdalena!

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  11. I'm checking here daily to see if there is baby Walt news! I'm on pins and needles, it feels and I've never had the pleasure of even getting to meet you in person, just a blog follower! Magdalena and Walt are so lucky to have each other and you two, as well as your full families. All you're going through now must be just so poignant and emotions pronounced. Prayers keep coming your way.
    Also, do you happen to have the Magdelena's feet "logo" (the one that was on your March for Babies shirts) as a HTML widget/gadget that your readers could add to our sites? I'd undertand completely if you don't want to go this route, but I'm just checking in case it was already out there and I'd like to add it to my "blog roll" as a proud follower of your site.
    All the best to you, Noah and Walt as he arrives. He'll surely be held in careful loving hands of Jesus and his big sister.

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  12. How are you doing Julie??? Thinking of you and praying!

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