O Love That Will Not Let Me Go

Today Magdalena went to see her first movie in the theaters, BOLT!! Noah and I had already seen the movie, so I wasn't sad that I missed out on the first half of it. The beginning time of the movie was the same as Magdalena's feeding time. The point of going was to be there to celebrate Emma's fifth birthday, and her excitement that Magdalena was there made us so happy. Also, getting to the movie theater made a first for our family. It was the first time that I have driven that long of a distance without a backseat rider to watch Magdalena. After Christmas Noah and I went to buy a few things for her, a humidifier, small spoons to fit in her tiny mouth, bibs, a mirror for me to watch her while I drive, etc. So with the help of the mirror Magdalena and I made a safe drive to watch Bolt. Here is a picture of Magdalena eating rice cereal for the first time. Although it looks like it, she isn't crying, but she is giving that uncertain look about that weird feeling in her ...

So, normally I would not share this picture with anyone outside of the family, but so many of you love Magdalena that I could not withhold it from you. This is our family on Christmas morning. Magdalena woke up and spent some time with us in our bed, her favorite spot. We had a lovely conversation. That face says "please stop taking pictures of me...haven't I already proven myself to be a miracle?". Those blue eyes just keep us drawn to her. Santa came! Look at those presents! Magdalena was obviously the best child this past year! Mimi and Papa go to all the houses on Christmas morning to watch their grandkids open their presents. Here Mimi is reading a book to Magdalena. It is one with bright colors and contains certain textures. She has not let go of that balloon, yet! That must have been her favorite gift! Our family at Mimi and Papa's house before celebrating Christmas with my family. Mimi has a stocking for each grandchild at her house, but couldn't...

The night before Christmas was James' last night in our house. (James is pictured here hanging in Magdalena's stocking.) He had such great reports to give Santa that Magdalena even got a present early! A gigantic, red balloon! Because Magdalena gets to give James his name we wanted something that would be especially for her but would also make sense to our future kids. James is named after the doctor who endured the tears we shed during each check-up visit, questions, and he honored the many requests that we had concerning Magdalena's special birth. He helped us with many of the decisions that we had to make, and we were blessed to have a doctor to deliver Magdalena that we trusted. I hope to one day let our special doctor know that our elf is named after him! I am sure he would get a few chuckles out of that! Magdalena has spent a few nights now in her crib! It is so close to our room, and with the monitors we feel comfortable. Here she is in her signature sleep...

This was definitely the most special Christmas I have ever had, and because it was filled with many happenings I will have to post in segments. We began our morning on Christmas Eve with a visit to the hospital...don't worry it was a happy visit. At the children's hospital Magdalena had a test done to see if she had any problems when swallowing. The speech therapist made Magdalena little barium/formula tasters of different thicknesses to see what she was able to handle. Magdalena could not eat in the morning so that she would want to be able to take a lot of food by mouth. She was so sweet, and instead of crying she slept peacefully while waiting for her turn. Here Magdalena was telling us that she had had enough, and that it was time to fill the belly! Look at how cute her face looks when she cries! Here is the big x-ray machine where she hung out while we ate a little. They wanted to be able to watch the movements inside while the food went down. She was so happy to...

As rivers, the nearer they come to the ocean whither they tend, the more they increase their waters, and speed their streams; so will grace flow more fully and freely in its near approaches to the ocean of glory. -John Owen By God's grace Magdalena is here with us today, her 146th day on the earth. Lately my eyes have welled up just looking at her sleeping knowing that it is all because of God I am able to still look at her. She is a miracle. Last Christmas we joked about how crazy the future holidays would be with my parents having five grandkids (there were only three at the time), and Lori reminded me of the tears I shed after finding out Magdalena's diagnosis and the reality that what I had previously said would not happen. God has allowed us one holiday with our sweet daughter and in the next few days we pray that he will give us another, one to celebrate Christ's birth. I don't know why God chose Magdalena, but he has given her a special task on this earth ...

You wouldn't believe that Magdalena is watching the movie Nemo right now! She is lying on a colorful mat watching a brightly colored movie, and she is loving every moment of it! She has done her neck workout by lying on her belly with me assisting her in a lift. She is trying so hard! On Wednesday we went to see Magdalena's pediatrician, Dr. Brooks, who was so proud (along with us) at how well she was doing. With her encouragement we gave Magdalena two of the four needed immunizations. She said that she is still doing so well that we would hate for her to get something preventable. I teared up not ready for it, but Magdalena showed what a big girl she is! One of the medicines she readily sucked down by mouth and the other, which was a shot, didn't make her cry too much. Then, because she had pulled out her tube that morning, we left for another area of the hospital to have someone in the GI department replace her tube. This nurse was so helpful and informative. She put in ...

Those blessings are sweetest that are won with prayers and won with thanks. -Thomas Goodwin Magdalena was so sweet last night and gave us a full nights sleep! I was surprised at the time when I woke up, and even then she wasn't crying. She was just a little restless like she was getting hungry, a problem that is easily fixable. Yesterday Noah and I had to go somewhere that we preferred that Magdalena not make the drive. I cannot tell you where because it is the time of year where there are many secrets that will be revealed in the future, so I will let you know after Christmas. My mom had been wanting to keep Magdalena at her house for some time, but I was just not ready to let go. But because of our errand, we decided to ask Mimi to babysit Magdalena during the day, and of course, she didn't even have to think about it. The entire night before I kept second guessing our decision. Not because my mom is incapable of caring for Magdalena, far from it, but that I just didn...

There are two zombies walking around our house. Due to the lack of sleep that Magdalena is providing Noah and me now ready to sleep again. It seems as though she is only crying as any normal baby would. The only difference is that when she gets fussy she pulls her tube out, which she has done twice in a row! Thankfully, she has been as sweet as she could be in that situation. She makes it clear that she doesn't like it, but her nurse has been able to get it down. When we found out about Magdalena having Edward's Syndrome we decided to raise money for the March of Dimes in honor of her. With the help of so many people our team, Magdalena's Feet, raised over 3,000 dollars. The walk this year is May 2nd, and we are hoping to raise at least 5,000 dollars to help all babies and their mothers. You can help by doing one of the following: 1. Join our Team - Walk with us on May 2nd in honor of Magdalena's life Go to http://www.marchforbabies.org/ and click join a team. Th...

This year we decided not to put up a Christmas tree. Instead we decorated our mantel and put a few decorations around the house. We are going to enjoy a relaxing holiday with candles and small lights so that we aren't stressing over putting up and taking down decorations. I am so excited about the time that our family (Noah, Magdalena, and I) will have together. It began today! I cooked a new, Mexican recipe to celebrate Noah taking his last exam! While Noah spends some quality father/daughter time I thought that I would catch everyone up with some sweet pictures. Here are the ornaments that Magdalena made at Emma's school. The front has their hand and foot prints, and the back they uniquely wrote her name. Kermit was my stocking holder as a child. Magdalena's Stocking will be filled by Santa soon because she is always such a sweet girl. Magdalena went to her first birthday party! Caroline, Magdalena's cousin, was so sweet to let Magdalena borrow her doll'...

I have realized that because Magdalena has lived so long, some people that I encounter think that Magdalena is "better". I am trying to become better at explaining clearly that the doctors don't say that she is better because of the number of days that she has been with us, but that God, for a reason I don't know, has blessed our world with her. No matter how many days that she has with us, it doesn't change her heart problem, her syndrome, and the doctors will never promise one more day. When I found out that Max went to be with Jesus so soon in life, I cried my eyes out. I was praying that God would give their family a lot of time to enjoy their precious gift. And it is selfish of me to be sad knowing that God used that 3 hours of his earthly life to glorify Him. I also know that it doesn't end there. People will see how beautiful life is and glorify God through Max's family as they share their story. Last night I questioned why God has blessed us with s...

Please pray for Maxson's family as they praise God for the hours they knew their son, and that they will be at peace with his passing. He went to be with Jesus this morning around 10:20. There is a link on the side bar to direct you to Max's blog.

Yes, our eight pound, beautiful, strong daughter is 120 days old today! I think that both Magdalena and I knew that today was special because I woke up early just thinking about it, and she did the same! Eat a scoop of ice cream (or a drop of Mylacon) in honor of Magdalena today! Yesterday Magdalena had her eye doctor check-up appointment. While in the NICU the eye doctor did not see any problems, but wanted to continue to check on Magdalena as she became older to be sure that everything continued to be fine. And so far Magdalena is doing fine. The doctor did some basic tests, and Magdalena was such a sweet, big girl the entire time! Even while the nurse put drops in her eyes and through the entire visit, she did not cry one time! We were such proud parents! After the doctor's visit we went to the NICU to visit one of Magdalena's favorite nurses while she was in the NICU, Nurse Diane. I am sure that you remember her from posts my sister wrote while I was in the hospital. ...

Please pray for Maxson, who was diagnosed with Trisomy 18, and his family. The doctors plan to help him enter this world this Friday, December 5th. http://ourmiraclemax.blogspot.com/

As you may have noticed, if your volume is on, I found the Cindy Morgan sound that I had previously posted about and added it. Sometimes listening to the words can be even more powerful than just reading them, so I was happy that it was there for me to share it with all of you. Our family had an incredible Thanksgiving, and having Magdalena with us casted a light, joyful spirit on our house. As both Halloween and Thanksgiving have passed I am amazed at the gift God has given us. I don't think that I will ever say that enough times....amazed. It isn't as though I thought God was incapable, but I guess that I began to count more on the statistics to rule the situation. I learned my lesson. God is the ultimate healer, and although I "knew" this before, God wanted me to trust it. Noah's family came from out of town to celebrate the holiday with us, and it is one of the rare times that the entire Roberts clan was together. My mom was the ideal hostess who open...

Although most of Thanksgiving Day is usually spent by Americans stuffing themselves full of turkey, dressing, and whatever is a traditional food for them to eat, it is meant to be a day to reflect upon all there is to be thankful. In the past I have fallen short of realizing how blessed and full my life is, but it truly has been. With Magdalena in my life it is impossible for me not to truly count my blessings. On her 113th day with us she was able to celebrate Thanksgiving with our family. This is truly a miracle. All of her family gathered around to celebrate such a wonderful day. There are other things that have been on my mind as I begin to reflect how thankful I am for having been able to spend so much time with Magdalena. I am thankful for... Noah, an incredible, loving husband who is constantly patient with me. A country where I can freely go to church and worship. A life where we are blessed with family. God always providing for our needs (and sometimes just simple desires...

One year ago today, the day before Thanksgiving, I had surgery on my right ear. At the time I did not know that I was pregnant and it was too early for the doctor to detect it before having the surgery. But it is technically impossible that I was not because there are certain "activities" that I can not do for a certain amount of time. I remember lying there about to go under thinking that I really thought that I was pregnant, but I ignored these thoughts because there had been many times before when I had that feeling that I was pregnant but it was a false alarm. Also, for about two weeks after the surgery I was not allowed to blow my nose, which means that I would end up getting the worst cold ever. The doctor called in some strong medicines that would help me get better faster since I was so stopped up. I would sneak into the bathroom trying to blow my nose just a little bit, but Noah would hear me and get on to me for doing it! Early to mid December when I found out for s...

This is Magdalena after she had her picture made with Santa Claus. I had wanted to find her a Christmas dress, but it is so hard to find her size! Thursday night I saw this dress on Caroline's doll, and Caroline generously let Magdalena borrow all of her doll dresses. The other dress has a birthday cake on it, which almost made me cry. Caroline and Emma had a smocked birthday dress, and I kept trying to find one for Magdalena for all of her birthday celebrations, but again, I had no luck when it came to finding her size. Lori told Caroline how she had just made my day by letting Magdalena borrow all of her doll dresses. Noah is working so hard to finish up some work this week, so Magdalena and I hung with our family outside of the house. He would get much more done without her beautiful face distracting him! On Saturday Noah and I went to take Magdalena to meet Santa Claus at Photo Images. As we were walking in the door I saw that they are "Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep" ph...

Junior High and High School aged kids packed out a couple of theaters to see the movie Twilight, and along with them were my sisters and me. While waiting at least two hours for the movie to begin, the kids in the theater kept themselves occupied with guess the speaker of quotes in the book. One of the young people read aloud from the book that she had brought with her to the theater. The books were very entertaining, but I would never have decided to go to a midnight showing of the movie. Not only that, but we were the first people in line! I would have chosen to sleep, but to me, this was much more of a good time for us sisters to hang out and do something crazy. Noah stayed at home with Magdalena, and she was her sweet self for her daddy. Jennifer (Gigi), Lori (Loli), and me

As I write in a previous post, Gigi cut Magdalena's nails the first time that it had to be done. From my sisters' mistakes I have learned so much, and because the skin is so close to a baby's nail one of them accidentally cut their child's skin. I was terrified that I would do this. But as in many of our daily situations, it had to be done, so we were forced into taking that leap. Unfortunately, Magdalena received her first bo bo from her mommy, but thankfully only on one finger. The rest still have all of their skin!

God uses time and life to change and mold people. Personal experience has really put force behind that statement. In college I was a bubbly, outgoing person who was very talkative. I can't give a day that I changed, but I did. I lived in my own little world not truly understanding the world that surrounded me. God used this way of thinking as a shield and kept me safe in terrible situations that I put myself in not realizing how deep a sinner's heart can truly be. And He has given me a reality check many times in my short life to remind me that He is the king, and I should not assume that I deserve anything. Or it could partly be related to me living outside of my own culture, and then, returning finding life had continued on and trying to find my place in it. Struggling to find words is an understatement for me now. I really get tied in knots now, and it doesn't come as naturally as it used to in the past. Although the southern culture that I live in would beg to differ, I...

I don't know why God decided to bless our lives with Magdalena, and I can't even begin to try to figure it out. I do know that when I look into her face all I see is pure, innocent beauty. No sickness. No pain. Just beauty. I know that I am one of many parents who have biased opinions on their child, but I am amazed what God has created through Noah and me. She is beautiful. Many parts of the day I enjoy just looking at her. Her small hands, tiny fingers, and a nose that is shaped like her Daddy's. And she has begun to communicate very clearly with us. Her noisy cries tell us if there is something wrong, and a sound similar to the screaming lets us know that she is trying to convey some sort of message but she is not upset. Our discussions become more interesting as each day passes. I am amazed that she can do these things. I knew little of what to expect from the usual type of newborn babies, but from what I read of T18 babies Magdalena's personality is not what I had ...

Today a college friend came to meet Magdalena. I met Dawn my sophomore year in college, and we, along with two other friends, hung out and watched the Golden Girls, and often times we compared our personalities to the ladies on the show. Our girls nights out where always a blast! No matter how much time passes without seeing each other it feels like we pick up where we left off. She is an incredible friend to me. Dawn and her husband brought their 5 week old son, Joseph, so that we could meet him too!

Magdalena loved the balloon that Mimi and Papa gave her. She held onto it, and looked at it the entire night! My sisters, Lori and Jennifer, and I loving on Magdalena together My oldest sister, Lori ( Loli to Magdalena), is always so thoughtful. It is partly because she has had more life experience and partly because it is just her nature. She thinks of all of the small details that makes things extra special. She made Magdalena a birthday cake, found candles for it, and arranged everything. I could not have asked for a better big sis! Our family party was such a fun celebration, and Magdalena got a lot of "first" gifts. Mimi and Papa gave her the first big girl dress that she can wear (size newborn), Gigi gave her the first piece of jewelry , a cross necklace (and a high school musical card which sings to her), Loli gave her the first pair of shoes, and Caroline made her a card and thoughtfully gave her a plant from the playground and stuffed animal that she won at the f...