Saturday, December 06, 2008

Life Given

I have realized that because Magdalena has lived so long, some people that I encounter think that Magdalena is "better". I am trying to become better at explaining clearly that the doctors don't say that she is better because of the number of days that she has been with us, but that God, for a reason I don't know, has blessed our world with her. No matter how many days that she has with us, it doesn't change her heart problem, her syndrome, and the doctors will never promise one more day.

When I found out that Max went to be with Jesus so soon in life, I cried my eyes out. I was praying that God would give their family a lot of time to enjoy their precious gift. And it is selfish of me to be sad knowing that God used that 3 hours of his earthly life to glorify Him. I also know that it doesn't end there. People will see how beautiful life is and glorify God through Max's family as they share their story. Last night I questioned why God has blessed us with so many days with Magdalena. We are far from deserving any time with her, but in my heart I have to give it to Jesus. Knowing that His plan for each of these T18 babies is different. May we continue to praise God for all of these babies because through each one He is glorified.

Denying that I don't have days when I am mad would be the biggest lie that I have ever told. I have accepted it, but sometimes I just want to find out that God has healed her. I do believe that God could make her perfectly healthy in an instant if He chose that way for her, but I have to daily give her life to Him knowing that He is using it more in this short time than He would in seventy years.

Driving is usually my only alone time, and I enjoy it. It is a time to cry, let things settle in my mind, or let my heart be open to what is happening. It is a time to give Magdalena back to Jesus. Because my car is having technical difficulties which will cost a lot to fix, I have been driving Noah's car. One day he had a c.d. playing of Shane and Shane, a group that I knew he enjoyed. Although I had never listened to any of their cds in full, I let it play one particular day. The song playing "Before The Throne" made my tears fall the entire way to my destination. Since then I have come to listen to more of the songs, and the cd has become a way of worship for me. One of the songs that I have a special place for in my heart is "Healed". It is a song praising God, and one line praises God for healing to the uttermost. God has done just that in our lives, and I praise him for when the time comes for Magdalena when he heals Magdalena. She will no longer have clubbed feet, clenched fists, or a confused mind. I can see her running to Jesus, knowing exactly who He is, and wrap her arms around Him. It is a beautiful picture that allows me to let go of my selfish thoughts and know that the life given to her is better than one I could ever imagine.

9 comments:

  1. Beautiful words that describe our conversation perfectly.

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  2. Anonymous12:01 PM

    Thank you for thinking and praying for Max. I was there when he was born and was able to see him smile as his mom held him. He lived almost three hours and was beautiful and loved the entire time. He really was a miracle to all of us and it's so great that his life touched so many others. God bless you and your family. Magdalena is in my thoughts and prayers.

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  3. I am in awe of what God has done with y'all and Magdalena. But I am also in awe of the strength and ability to trust Him that He has allowed you to have. I just feel so blessed to have held and kissed her, changed a diaper, shared her with my children. Thank you so for continuing to share. In prayer for Max's family. What a blessing I'm sure it was to know him!

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  4. What an amazing testimony of the power of Jesus! I am praying for you today!

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  5. Hey there Julie - My Venture kiddos are still collecting pop tabs for y'all - if we can work it out I'd love to bring them to you during the holidays when I am visiting mom and dad in Clinton - I continue to pray not only for Magdalena but for you and Noah as well - take care - Michelle

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  6. I think we were all with Max's family yesterday in spirit and prayer. I found it emotional and wrote about it on my blog as well. Its strange how we can so care for and intercede for a family we have never met. What a blessing this blogging thing is to bring all the Trisomy families together in support and prayer!
    Don't ever feel guilty or bad somehow that Magdalena has lived so long when other babies only have a short time. I know its hard. Each one is ordained a different time and I know you consider each minute, hour and day a miracle and a blessing. Us mommies who's babies are already perfectly healed and living in their new bodies in heaven are cheering on your little Madgalena...not resenting that fact that you still have her. Thankyou so much for sharing your beautiful words...and your beautiful daughter with us. I can't imagine how hard it is each day to give her to Jesus ..and all the uncertainty. I guess with any child there is always that uncertainty in life...just not so much. With each of my pregnancies I had to give them to Jesus frequently or I would have been consumed by fear. His peace is amazing! Take care mama.

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  7. We have a different trisomy (t9) but I still have people ask if Addison is better, just because she's not hospitalized or anticipating a surgery or recovering from one or ill in some fashion. I think a lot of people just don't "get it" that this is going to be part of our lives forever.
    I cry in the car a lot, still. And the shower is perfect--you're already all wet and by the time you get out, hopefully the bloodshot eyes and red face are a bit better. Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol gets me every time. Not religious at all, but the lyrics just hit me.
    Still praying for all 3 of you. And hoping you're having a good weekend!

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  8. Yes, and with the length of time God allows Magdalena the questions will continue. With Annabel 3 1/2, it always is asked. Their issues are internal and not able to be seen. I hope when God does Call our Angels home, I have the strength and courage you just mentioned.

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  9. Prayers continue for your precious daughter, for you and for Noah. Thank you for your beautiful words.

    I cannot imagine what you must deal with everyday but I loved Carla's very wise words!

    Prayers also for little Max and family. It's so beautiful that you each prayer for the other who is on the same journey with their beautiful babies. So many of us have them on our hearts, our minds and in our prayers. They are precious and they are so loved!

    May God give you His peace new every morning.

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