God uses time and life to change and mold people. Personal experience has really put force behind that statement. In college I was a bubbly, outgoing person who was very talkative. I can't give a day that I changed, but I did. I lived in my own little world not truly understanding the world that surrounded me. God used this way of thinking as a shield and kept me safe in terrible situations that I put myself in not realizing how deep a sinner's heart can truly be. And He has given me a reality check many times in my short life to remind me that He is the king, and I should not assume that I deserve anything. Or it could partly be related to me living outside of my own culture, and then, returning finding life had continued on and trying to find my place in it. Struggling to find words is an understatement for me now. I really get tied in knots now, and it doesn't come as naturally as it used to in the past.
Although the southern culture that I live in would beg to differ, I don't think that silence always has to be filled in with words, or that things should be said unless they were truly genuine. My amazing husband is a walking dictionary, and can find the perfect words for so many situations. He is not perfect, but he is an excellent communicator, and he means what he says. I find myself trying to hide behind him constantly, which he does at times allow me to do, and he pushes me when I need a good shove. Having Magdalena changes the entire socializing arena for us because so many people want to talk with her. I am horrible at this, and I love the times when Noah carries her around so that he can give people the opportunity to meet my amazing, precious daughter while I stand afar outside the crowd.
Tonight I was thankful that Noah cared for Magdalena on our first time returning to church after a few weeks. I have not been talking to many other people outside of my family in so long it is almost difficult to do again. I hope that my church family will be gracious with me as I learn to communicate and be around humans again. No one acted as though I were a roach, but I will have to learn to speak again. And maybe one day God will bring back a good piece of the "old" me so that I can speak more freely with strangers.
Noah and I are so thankful for Magdalena, who continues to show us our faults, and because of her we are given open opportunities to better ourselves.