Moving

When I found out that I would be a working-from-home mom, Noah and I really thought about moving into a different townhome, one that would be closer to other families and other moms. At first, the technical part of it seemed easy because we would put everything in exactly the same place but in a different home. Well, all of the homes are different so it was much more drastic of a move than I had thought. Emotionally, it was tiring. We had to realize that this home was temporary, and one day we would have to move away from the place that Magdalena was with us, and this was best for our family. Noah and I took turns dealing with small things of hers. I moved her boxes and clothes before the real moving began and found a special, new place for them. But there were some small, unexpected things that I had to deal with that caught me off guard. Some things I had left around the house just for me as a reminder of her, and it wasn't until the move that I realized Noah didn't even know that they were there. One was this bottle of water. In a cabinet in the living room we had kept her formula, diapers, and all of her things. This bottle of water was used to clean out her tube after she ate. I had given her other things away, but I could never just toss out the water. As we were moving Noah came up to me and said "look at what I found!". I knew it was there, and I had been dreading it because this would be the day that I would have to throw it away. Yes, I could keep it, but some things I just have to let go. Also, I just enjoyed the comfort of it being there as a small reminder when other things quickly filled the shelves.

Then, her purple spoon never left its place in the drawer. It is the one they used at the hospital on Christmas Eve to test her swallowing skills. She did awesome and was able to eat rice cereal! We were such proud parents that day! Shortly before we moved my family came over for cake and ice cream, and after everyone had gone home I noticed the spoon had been used! My heart dropped for a moment because you forget that it is visible to everyone else. They don't know that it is there for me just as a reminder and not to be used! The spoon is still there, and it probably will be for awhile because I like those sweet little reminders of her here with us.

And a surprise came for me when I found this little basket in the baby's bathroom full of her things just as the day she left us. Her tape cut and ready to replace the tube when she pulled it out of her nose. Also, were the soap and eye cream from when she had her first bath at the hospital.

I love little surprises that are a reminder of her existence. That she was here, and it all isn't just a memory.

Now, the purple spoon is surrounded by Walt's things too. They get to share the spot!