O Love That Will Not Let Me Go

At the end of each chapter Nancy Guthrie in One Year of Hope gives the readers a time of reflection. REFLECTION What are some of the untruths you hear from others and from your own mind that you need to confront with the truth? Have you determined to trust God with your future? How is that evident in your life? MEDITATION The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those who are crushed in spirit. -Psalm 34:18 Quiet yourself in the presence of God, and meditate on the comforting promises of this verse. Express your brokenheartedness and crushed the spirit to God, laying it all down before him. Ask God to make the closeness of his presence known to you, and open yourself to his rescue. PRAYER Praise God that his hands are big enough and strong enough to hold you and your future, no matter what happens. Thank God for loving you enough and caring deeply enough to keep track of your sorrows and treasure your tears. Intercede for those you love, that God would use the hurt in thei...

Trusting is not a one time deal. It is not something that you give to God once, and then, miraculously everything is wonderful (with birds chirping in the background). The pain deep within the stomach reminds you that we have got to give it to God today. This doesn't make me like the situation any better. It doesn't mean that I no longer miss my sweet girl. It means that I have completely opened my hands up to what God has to offer in all of its fullness. I cannot imagine my life without having such a special little girl who did some amazing things in her lifetime, but I am glad God doesn't reveal everything at once, but only in the amounts that he sees fit. I continually had to trust his will for our lives and hers. And I still do, and for me to survive the rest of my life without trusting him would be unbearable. Psalm 40:16-17 But may all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you; may those who love your salvation say continually, “Great is the Lord !” As for me, ...

He shot his arrows deep in my heart. The thought of my suffering and helplessness is bitter beyond words. I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The unfailing love of the Lord never ends! By his mercies we have been kept from complete destruction. Lamentations 3:13, 19-22 I know that if Magdalena had lived a day longer it would have been lived suffering, but that doesn't make me stop wishing that I had more time. How selfish, and Nancy really hits home with why I continue to suffer so badly at times. Some days it is easier to get into a hole than try to fight with what I know to be true about God when the devil is coming after me. Just as Nancy's husband thought he had lost his wife to her grief, I think Noah has tried to patiently wait through mine. I was so selfishly caught up (and I still am at times) in my grief that I forget that there are others around me grieving for Magdalena. Magda...

Phillipians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. This verse is always an incredible reminder because I know it in my mind, but by reading it in God's word it refreshes my heart. When we found out Magdalena's diagnosis, my entire family had so many questions for God. We didn't understand how this could happen to us. We loved God and we lived for him. Why us? Sometimes when I see something that reminds me of my life pre-Magdalena, I don't recognize myself. I was so arrogant to think that this type of sickness would never happen to me or my family. One day along the way, God gave my heart peace. Peace doesn't mean that I was happy with the situation or even glad that God would use my daughter in this way, but it was an indescribable peace that st...

Well, Julie was just doing a few chores around the house and she noticed a little flyer for St. Jude which says that they are collecting pop tabs to raise money for a certain project that St. Jude is working on! If you have been collecting tabs and would like to continue, this is a great opportunity. Just like before, you may feel free to send any that you have collected to Julie and me and we will make sure they get to St. Jude. We are excited to be back in the pop tab collecting business!!!

Have you started the One Year of Hope , yet? I hope that if you are suffering in this world, you will consider reading it with us. There is no pressure to be on a particular schedule. You can read a chapter in one day or read a little daily. I know that many who may choose to go through the book have lost a child, but everyone has suffered in different ways and the book leads you to the hope found only in Christ. I hope that you will join us in our study and by posting a comment, share your thoughts, feelings, and fears. Although we don't know each other, we will support each other. Noah and I are praying about the particular direction of Joy in the Morning. We are not sure if we want it to go alongside a church counseling program that already exists, go underneath the umbrella of a non-profit organization, or branch out on our own. There are so many details doing any of the three that we are in prayer right now about the direction. I was talking with my sister about it...

Julie and I are so thankful for the great responses that we have gotten over the last year or so to our requests to support the local Ronald McDonald House by collecting pop tabs. The Ronald McDonald House is a great service to so many needy families in very difficult situations. I have taken several garbage bags full of pop tabs to them (mostly collected by all of you!) and they have always been so thankful for our support. The last time I took the tabs over, however, they informed me that they were no longer going to be accepting pop tabs as a means of support. They told me that the economy has made it such that it is not worth it for them to collect and store the tabs because the price of aluminum is so low right now. They said that it is possible to keep collecting the tabs and then turn them in for money and then simply donate the money to the House, but we feel that there may be more efficient ways of support. We are hoping that the price of aluminum will rise soon to make ...

While Magdalena was in the NICU, I was running completely on adrenaline. I don’t know how I did some of the things that I never knew I had because my maternal instincts had taken over. I had to keep moving. Thankfully, I had an amazing family here watching over me to make sure that I didn’t go too far beyond my physical or emotional capability. I remember standing outside the NICU with my parents and feeling like the building was shaking, and my dad held me up for that brief second. I don’t even know if they remember that brief moment, but they held me then and continued to do so for the next five months so that I could keep moving forward and functioning, to be a good mommy to Magdalena. At her visitation and funeral, I didn’t cry. Because all of you know how much I love her, that may sound strange, but I was in my survival mode. Before each event, I questioned if I could make it through, and with determination I was striving towards the goal, survival. Many people came to me ...

I feel inadequate to be writing my thoughts down about God with all of you reading, but I feel led that all of us should do this together. There are too many of us clinging to our pain when God can free us of it. Please write down your thoughts, favorite verses, and whatever you feel led to share from each day or week that you read. Sometimes I catch myself using the word “lucky” because I don’t believe in luck. I believe that God has ordained everything that has come to pass in my life. The world and all those in it are not flying out of control. He has his finger in everything. All bad things that happen have a larger purpose to them, and many of those things we may not see today or in our lifetime. But sometimes God does bless us with knowing. God ordained that this be the very first page that I read after a completely mind overtaking week. It was a horrible few days because not only did my heart ache for what I had lost but the regret that I felt for so many th...

Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God's grace. And your best days are never so good that you are beyond the need of God's grace. -Jerry Bridges Who ever thought that it would snow in MS??

Did you notice the tag that I FINALLY have for the blog?? Yay! I was so excited to get one made. If you would like to attach a link to our blog from yours, right below the "O Love that Will Not Let Me Go" is the link.

To say that this week has been hard is an understatement. I can't believe that I have made it up until this day. One day I drove to the school, sat outside, and I almost didn't think that I could make it in. Thankfully, my students have been incredible despite what my heart has been feeling. It is another way I see God's mercy. I hate it when days like this are one after another. My head tells me that what I am feeling is ridiculous. This guilt and pain for so many things does not exist from God. I know this, but, yet, I can't get over the hurdle. My husband is relentless, thankfully, and continues to pursue me during these times. Telling him "I don't want to talk about it." is not enough. I really don't want to talk about it. Yet, he always pulls me back to reality. I don't mean that the pain instantly disappears, and I jump up and down. I mean that I see sight of the road again when for a day I thought I was going in a downward spir...

Loli loves her special time with her nieces and nephews, and on this particular night she got a lap full of Landon and Walt with all of their smiles. Walt loves his Loli. Grandmom and me on her 80th birthday The whole family gathered together to celebrate a special woman. We love our Grandmom! Loli thought that it was funny to put Walt in Mimi's punch bowl. He had fun! Caroline and I playing "Heart and Soul" together. I love how Caroline remembers Magdalena. It comes out in little, unexpected moments. She will be the one who remembers the most because of her age, and with her sweet, loving personality I know that Walt will always know of her through Caroline. The Roberts and Grandmom Mommy and Walt...I love those smiles

On Saturday, I read the beginning to the book and this upcoming week I will be reading through Chapter 1. Nancy wrote that you could do the study as you like, and if you need a day off, take it. Well, I hadn't even begun the study, and I felt like I needed the day off, but I am sure that is when I most need to do it. You don't have to have lost a child to be suffering, and I hope that together we will find comfort in the only one who can give it. This week's passage: The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those who are crushed in spirit. -Psalm 34:18

Spring is Coming Steven Curtis Chapman We planted the seed while the tears of our grief soaked the ground The sky lost its sun, and the world lost its green to lifeless brown Now the chilling wind has turned the earth hard as stone And silently seed rise beneath ice and snow And my heart's heavy now But I'm not letting go of this hope I have that tells me Spring is coming, Spring is coming And all we've been hoping and longing for soon will appear Spring is coming, Spring is coming It won't be long now, it's just about here Hear the birds start to sing Feel the life in the breeze Watch the ice melt away The kids are coming out to play Feel the sun on your skin Growing strong and warm again Watch the ground: there's something moving Something is breaking through New life is breaking through Spring is coming, Spring is coming And all we've been hoping and longing for soon will appear Spring is coming, Spring is coming And it won't be long now, it's jus...

I drive a good bit to work every morning, and it is always a good time alone. However, having good music on the radio is always hard to find, so I ordered two CDs that I thought would be good listens. One was the new Stephen Curtis Chapman CD, and it blew me away. He put to song his grief. It was real, and I felt like he was singing so many of my feelings. The lyrics written here are from the song "Beauty in the Morning". It is late, and I am tired but I had to go ahead and write my heart. Since July I have had the book One Year of Hope by Nancy Guthrie , and I have not gotten up the courage to deal with the deepest wounds left by my grief. After reading the intro in July I just didn't think that I was ready, yet, lately I have been feeling like God has been calling me to go through this study on the blog. And on the last song of Stephen Curtis Chapman's CD, he talks about how long ago a seed was planted so that, although our world is hardening now, God will...