O Love That Will Not Let Me Go

Last weekend was a big time for our family, especially Walt. The weekend began with him getting to spend a couple of hours with his Loli, his first babysitter! He stayed with her while Noah and I went to our Sunday School Christmas party. Just look at his face! You can tell that he was having a good time! The next morning Noah and I picked up a friend of mine from college, Kim, and her husband, Ryan, from the airport. They flew in to see Walt be baptized in the church. It was definitely an amazing day to celebrate Walt being in the covenant family. While we have friends and family of other persuasions, we wanted to very briefly explain in part why we believe in baptizing infants. We do not believe that baptism saves anybody by itself, but we are saved only by a continual faith (trust) in Christ alone, which is a gift of God. We believe that baptism is a “sign of the covenant” which is part of the New Covenant established in Christ in a similar way that circumcision function...

Psalms 30:11-12 You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever! We saw Santa today, and Walt was such a sweet little boy. I wanted to share his pictures with you. Also, I realized that I never shared last year's picture when Magdalena went to see Santa. I wish the place where we took this picture had remained in business because we had such a great experience there, but I am thankful that we did have the opportunity to meet them, even if it was only for that one day.

Romans 8:32 He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Even with all of the blessings I am surrounded with, I shouldn't have to be reminded that God continually gives us much more than we deserve. But I do have to be reminded. God gave us his son so that we may be eternally with him. Shouldn't I be willing to give him my children? I am going to have to daily, no, hourly, give Walt to him. Worry that I will lose him too can sometimes be crippling. One evening when trying to put Magdalena in her boppy swing to go to bed for the night, we laid her on our bed while we got all of her equipment settled. It was at that moment we realized that she liked lying in our bed. In fact, she had this look on her face like she was not planning to move! While trying to get ready one Sunday morning we put Walt on the bed too, and he enjoyed it just as much as Magdalena did. Look at this face! I am trying...

There is no blessed way of living, than the life of faith upon a covenant-keeping God - to know that we have no care, for he cares for us; that we need have no fear, except to fear him; that we need have no troubles, because we have cast our burdens upon the Lord, and are conscious that he will sustain us. Spurgeon, C. H. This quote meant so much to me when I read it the other day. Although I really only write about the burden of losing a child, there are so many more that we all face. Every day if we would take the time to pray unceasingly we would enter into this world with no fear knowing that when Christ carried the cross he also carried the burdens we are dealing with. I say that this load is heavy, but God wants to take it from me if I will relinquish control over it, which leads me to realize how much I think that I want to be in control of my life. Power. I really don't want that kind of power though, even when the world makes me think that I do. Someone wrote to m...

The holidays are here, and I feel it everywhere I go. It seems as though I am constantly on the edge of crying because I am constantly missing her. It doesn't end when I am awake because I dream about her too. Some sweet dreams and some I know do not come from God. I know that I want to honor Magdalena this Thanksgiving because I am so thankful for her, but I am not quite sure how, and the time is getting even closer. I know that God will tell me how I can honor her life in his time. I am trying to slowly bring Christmas into my life because I know that it will be even harder than Thanksgiving. It is hard to describe the intense emotions because Walt brings us so much happiness and laughter, and yet, I can break down crying while he sleeps on my shoulder. He looks just like his sister, which is bittersweet. It's like he knows when to smile at me so that I will smile too. God knew that he would be a perfect gift for us during this time. My heart swells up just by loo...

On Magdalena's 100-Day Birthday she had an ornament made with her hand print on it. Her cousin's school was making them, and Loli, knowing that it would be a special keepsake for me, set it up for Magdalena to get it done too. I had been thinking about that a month ago and wondered how I could get one made for Walt so that they would both have one on our tree, and the answer came two days later through a letter someone at the school sent. They sent the flyer just in case Walt wanted to have one to match Magdalena's, and of course, he did! It is the smallest things that people do, not expecting to gain anything and not knowing how it will affect someone else, that really change this world. Reflecting on the day I took Magdalena was bittersweet for me because it was such a special day that we never thought we would have, and here we are getting to celebrate with Walt in our own special way too. He was great on his little outing, but then he is not the misbehaving type. ...

I know that it seems so far away now, but we have to begin planning for our March of Dimes' shirts early. I would love to have ideas! If you want to draw an idea up and scan it or create one on the computer, please email them to me!! magdalenasmommy@gmail.com I am hoping to receive so many that the other readers can vote on their favorite! The deadline is DECEMBER 1st!! Please include what it is (March for Babies), the year (2010), our team's name (Magdalena's Feet) somewhere on the shirt. You might have a cute slogan for this year or include our quote from last year! Be creative!!

Wal-mart has come through for me the second year in a row! Last year I had a preemie size jack-o-lantern onesie for Magdalena, and this year Walt got his Halloween costume from there! It was a great buy for $8!! He was the perfect little monkey! I think the trick is to look for deals before I absolutely need to have them and before everyone else is looking for them, so I get the treat of having something cute for cheap (a little joke). I think that we found both at some point in August both years. Walt wasn't quite sure what to think about himself being a monkey, but he was very laid back, especially when he realized that there was candy involved. We began the night by trick-or-treating at Mimi and Papa's house. Then, we went to our church's festival. Although Walt was too young to play any of the games, it was fun to walk to each of the sections to see how creative people in the church got to be and how hard they worked to make this special for the kids. Noah and...

The day before I was going into the hospital to have Walter, Loli and Uncle Stephen came over to give Walt his congratulations-for-being-born outfit, which I will show in another post. It was a little onesie that said "baby brother". Lori is always very thoughtful with her gifts, and she gives me things that I didn't even know that I wanted! This little onesie was so special to me because I wanted to include Magdalena in the celebration just as other parents include their children in the festivities. The problem that I faced was that I didn't want Walt to be living in Magdalena's shadow and to take the attention away from him. Even as I make his scrapbook, I don't write all of the feelings that I had while pregnant with him because I never want him to feel like I didn't love him as much. Before having Walt, Noah and I discussed a lot about what we would say on Walt's announcement because we were torn with how to word a lot of what had to be said....

Yesterday Walt took his first field trip, and we went to one of my favorite places, Barnes and Noble. Of course, he really missed the trip because he was asleep the entire time! Magdalena would have been so proud to see that her stroller was shared with him. I think that he enjoyed riding around in the stroller while Noah and I enjoyed a cup of coffee and browsed the store. It is always so sweet to see Noah and Walter having some good bonding time. Here they are having a deep discussion about something important. This outfit is what makes me call Walt my little man. He wore this to go to the doctor's office on Tuesday. He wanted to make a good impression! This is one of my favorite things that he wears! Here Walter is getting ready to go to Barnes and Noble. He was so pumped about getting to go somewhere, but while in the car he fell asleep. Here he is while playing with Mommy. Dr. B confirmed that these are true smiles and not gas smiles that he is g...

Last night Noah and I try to come up with a game plan to tackle this morning. The first time getting ready with a baby always takes longer, and Walt did wonderful. He gave me time to eat breakfast before he wanted his breakfast, and then, he took a little nap while I got myself ready. We were actually five minutes early for our appointment! Walt weighs a dab more than 8 pounds and 4 ounces but not yet 8 pounds 5 ounces. Dr. B said that his weight gain was good, especially since he is a breastfeeding baby! Yay, Walt! He was so sweet as the doctor looked him over, and he even gave her a few of his sweet smiles, which impressed Dr. Brooks! We continued our day with a few more outings. I needed a few things for my little man at Target, so Noah and Walt sat at the Starbucks inside the store while I got what we needed. It was my first outing in the last two weeks, so it was fun to walk around a bit by myself but know that Walt is in walking distance from me at all times.

Every baby is different, but what I had been told did not prepare me for how Walt responded to us and this world. He came into this world as a laid back little baby ready to lift his head and eat! He only cries when he is hungry or naked. He does not like either of the two. Noah and I have been blessed with a sweet little baby. I know that this could end at some point, and Walt will become a little more "demanding", but we are really getting to enjoy him so much right now while we are learning how to care for a baby. Magdalena required a special, different kind of care, so having a newborn made me nervous, but Walt has been hanging in there with us. The other day I just stared at him while I held him. It was hard to take my eyes off such a beautiful creature, and I knew that I had been given much more than I deserve. It is embarrassing to say that towards the end of my pregnancy I had begun to really regret being pregnant. I was miserable, uncomfortable, and full of...