So many people have been so kind to me during this time in my life, but I want to mention a special friend. I won't mention her name because I haven't told her that I am writing about her, but she will know who she is. She had a baby die early and unexpectedly, and has offered many ideas to my sister since finding out about Magdalena's disease. (She is technically a friend of my sister's, but we are bound together through a common bond.) Things that I may have never considered before, but since my friend had been there, she knew. These things to consider or ideas have helped open discussions between Noah and I so that we keep our feet grounded.
Well, my special friend and I had a good small talk last night that meant so much to me. She showed me how to keep the memory alive of a sweet baby. Also, she taught me to do the smallest things that will make me feel better as the mommy, even if noone understands.
Every time I go to Wal-mart by myself I walk down the baby aisle. The same things are there every time I go, but I always spend at least ten minutes looking.
When I go into the baby's room I think of all the small things that are missing. Small, insignificant things like baby bath, wipes, lotion, baby towels, etc. I want so badly to fill the shelves in the closet with things for her. Then, on my trips to Wal-mart I stare at these items as I walk down the baby isle, and I am so tempted to put them in my buggie. I even pick them up, and sometimes put them inside my buggie, only to remove them. I tell myself that I should come to my senses. My sweet friend taught me that by doing these things is a way to deal with my pain, even if it doesn't seem to make sense to some people.
Maybe next time I will buy Magdalena a little something....