I realize now why parents appreciate days to sleep in, and there were so many days last fall that I was just asking for a few more minutes. My incredible husband always gave me Saturdays to sleep while he loved and took care of Magdalena. Today, Valentines Day, as we were lying in bed talking I was just couldn't help but think that we would not be doing this if Magdalena was with us. Or Magdalena would be in the bed with us like on Christmas Day. It was such a bitter sweet moment for us because we enjoyed our time together but it is just a reminder of what we miss so much. While Noah was still resting with his eyes shut I just kept picturing my sweet baby and her kissable cheeks.
I had been thinking that each holiday we would put flowers or decorations to celebrate, but I just haven't been able to go see her grave, yet. Noah and I are going to go together for the first time, and because I have just not been ready we haven't gone. I want it to be a place where I can go and "talk" to her, but right now I am too focused on that being her there when really it is not. I know that she is dancing around with Granddad right now, and she would not want me to forget that.
I had been thinking that each holiday we would put flowers or decorations to celebrate, but I just haven't been able to go see her grave, yet. Noah and I are going to go together for the first time, and because I have just not been ready we haven't gone. I want it to be a place where I can go and "talk" to her, but right now I am too focused on that being her there when really it is not. I know that she is dancing around with Granddad right now, and she would not want me to forget that.
This is a picture Caroline drew. It is heaven where Magdalena is with Jesus. 
Happy and Blessed Valentines Day Noah and Julie. The picture of Magdalena in heaven with Jesus is so precious. May your hearts grow in love today as you are missing your precious Magdalena. I am praying for you to get through this time knowing that God is holding you up.
ReplyDeleteLove and Hugs, Laurie
We miss that sweet girl too and continually go before the Lord asking Him to continue walking through these times with you. The way you have lavished love on sweet Magdalena will always be a tangible reminder of 1 John 4:19 to me.
ReplyDeleteHappy Valentines Day to you and Noah. I know you are missing "our" (she feels like she is a part of everyone) beautiful Magdalena, but I hope you have a enjoyable day with your wonderful husband!
ReplyDeleteI hope that you are having a good day. I know the pain that comes with holidays and every other day for that matter. You have so many wonderful memories to treasure of your sweet little girl.
ReplyDeleteShe forever changed hearts of so many!
On this Valentine's Day, a day of love, my heart cries out to you. In 1980, I gave birth to beautiful twin girls that died of lung disease syndrome, which now thanks to the March of Dimes a cure exists. God blessed me by allowing them to live a short time.
ReplyDeleteThis short time allowed me to love and hold them, not only in my heart but in my arms. So many women and men do not have the opportunity I had to physically love their babies like my husband and me. God provided us memories, smells, and smiles to cherish for a lifetime.
I write these words to tell you, the place that Magdalena holds in your heart will never be filled or go away. The longing to be with her will be just a thought away. I can say It does get easier, because you just "learn" to live without her presence in your life. The grave is difficult for you now, because it represents what you no longer have, which is Magdalena.
Visiting the grave is not easy, because it symbolizes the place in your heart that she once filled. When the time comes, you will be able to celebrate her life at the grave site. It will become the symbol of her having lived. But for now, you can only long for her and cherish your love for her.
May God grant you the love, joy, and peace that comes with having loved and been loved by a child. Magdelena touched so many people's lives. Honor and cherish such an angel, because angels are hard to find.
May you find comfort in that Magdalena is now resting in the arms of our Heavenly Father. A place we all long to be.
On this Valentine's Day, a day of love, my heart cries out to you. In 1980, I gave birth to beautiful twin girls that died of lung disease syndrome, which now thanks to the March of Dimes a cure exists. God blessed me by allowing them to live a short time.
ReplyDeleteThis short time allowed me to love and hold them, not only in my heart but in my arms. So many women and men do not have the opportunity I had to physically love their babies like my husband and me. Providing us memories to cherish for a lifetime.
I write these words to tell you, the place that Magdalena holds in your heart will never go away. The longing to be with her will be a thought away. It does get easier, because you just learn to live without her presence. The grave is difficult for you, because it represents what you no longer have, which is Magdalena.
Visiting the grave is not easy, because it symbolizes the place in your heart that she once filled. When the time comes, you will be able to celebrate her life at the grave site, but for now you can only cherish your love for her.
May God grant you the love, joy, and peace that comes with having loved and been loved by a child. Magdalena touched many lives while here on this earth. She was such an angel and angels are hard to find.
May you find comfort in that Magdalena is now resting in the arms of our Heavenly Father, our one and only true love. A place we all long to be.
Caroline's picture is perhaps the sweetest thing I've ever seen! What precious nieces (and nephew) you have Julie! I hope you're not feeling bad about not being able to visit the grave, I still can not visit my grandmother's grave and she died over ten years ago. You're doing great girl!!!!
ReplyDeleteI am sorry your heart is hurting. When you are ready to go, it will be a place to go and talk with her. Don't rush yourself. On memorial day, I went to put some flowers on my infant niece's grave...it amazed me how many parents of these tiny angels had their graves fixed up so cute. When you are ready, I know you will make Magdalena's grave a very special place in her memory. That picture is adorable! You both have a wonderful Valentines Day.
ReplyDeleteKeeping Noah and you in my thoughts and prayers, Julie. I know I never met Magdalena, but I really miss her too. I would get online everyday and would always come her to check up on her. We all love and miss your sweet girl. And she won't be forgotten.
ReplyDeleteJulie & Noah!!! Your friends down here in Merida are still praying for you. I love you so much; I could never forget how sweet it was having you both around here.
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy for you and this new little person that God has sent for you to pour the immense love you hold inside.
Thanks Julie... I learned how to use my (;) haha love you soooo much!!!!
Abraham Soloveichik