Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Home

We arrived home safely last night. As soon as we got inside I started a load of laundry. I was completely surrounded by everything that I have been neglecting to do since before Magdalena left us. So we are attempting to clean and get organized, but it is definitely not going to be something that happens at a rapid pace. While trying to put everything in its place I run into something that belongs to Magdalena. Formula, syringes, etc. just remind me of what I miss doing. Just a few moments ago I was putting a blank DVD in the cabinet, and there were all of her feeding things. I just sat and stared. I cried, and for a second I thought that I should put all of it away. I am just not ready to do that, yet. Something about it being there comforts me. I like being reminded of her, even if it does make me cry. I don't look at it all of the time, but I don't forget that it's there.

Just taking it one day, one cleaning, one step at a time.

22 comments:

  1. Although I never knew Magadlena personally I miss her too. My heart breaks for you and Noah and I continue to pray for you guys.

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  3. I am glad you are home safe... My family has been praying for you and Noah (and your whole family)!!

    Maybe you can make a "memory box" for Magdalena (obviously when you are ready); as a place to put everything that you've kept from her precious time with you... (blankets, a favorite ooutfit, pacifiers, pics etc...).
    I did that after my mom passed away (which I know is totally different that your loss) and it really brings me comfort!!

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  4. I can only imagine how difficult seeing little reminders of Magdalena are for you right now. I will continue to pray that you and Noah have peace with your broken heart.

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  5. I have been praying for you dear. I felt that way when my wonderful sister was killed in an accident...I just liked to have some of her things around. It is comforting. I did do the memory box like Melissa mentioned. I did one for both my sisters....unfortunately, I lost them both in car accidents. I love taking the boxes out and just remembering them. Magdalena is so precious....her memories will bring much happiness and a lot of tears.

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  6. You are doing the right thing Julie, in not putting away all of Magdalena's things. It is healing and comforting to see them. To get rid of them or to hide them all makes it feel like she didn't exist, and she did and does still exist. She mattered, not only to you and Noah, but to me and to so many others who you shared her life through your words in this blog and to those you meet face to face. Healing takes time and you don't need to rush it. Let me say again, You are doing the right thing.
    I love and pray for you and Noah daily!

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  7. Shelly1:43 PM

    My mother went through something similar after she lost her mother. She'd been taking care of her for a few years and her medical supplies really upset her. However, she didn't want to get rid of them. I would suggest just taking your time. You don't have to push yourself through your grief.
    Also, when you're ready to put things away, is there stuff that can be donated to help other babies who need medical supplies? My mom donated wheel chairs and stuff like that and I think knowing she was helping someone made it a lot easier.

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  8. Julie, my name is Tonya Odom Bishop. I think my mom, Diane Odom Barnes, might have taught you in sunday school? Nonetheless, I remember you from Morrison Heights, and your mom taught me in school. A friend showed me to your blog about a month ago, and I can't even tell you how much your strength, faith, and perserverance just warms my heart daily! Yall are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  9. Cool blog! Sorry bout Magdlene :( Just ALWAYS remember that anything that ever happens 2 u, its 4 the better because God LOVES YOU! He loved Magadlene too, but God was just ready to call her home and you will be able to see her forever 1day and she will be PERFECT because she has seen the FACE OF GOD!
    I LOVE U

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  10. Julie I was just looking back over some pics of Magdalena, she really IS so beautiful. praying for you step by step and day by day.

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  11. Indeed, even one moment at a time. My sister, who lost her son, said that some days the only thing she could do was breathe. I am praying for your grieving heart.

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  12. She is still with you and will always be. She is just a heartsong away! Glad you are back.

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  13. I am thankful that you know it's ok to keep her things around as they comfort you. Love you!

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  14. Anonymous8:37 AM

    I am glad ya'll made it back safe and had a nice time. Remember that you are all still in our prayers!! We love you!

    Sonia

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  15. Amy Jorgenson10:29 AM

    When my friend's baby girl died, she kept all her medications in the cupboard, she wasn't ready to get rid of them. They were her reminder that Maddy was really here. You will know when you are ready, don't let anyone push you too fast. This is going to take time and it may be a lot of time. But do what is right for YOU and not what anyone else thinks is right.
    Praying you feel God's arms around you every day,
    Amy

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  16. Welcome back, y'all. I hope you had a good respite. I look forward to seeing you both.

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  17. You don't know me. But I know the Roberts from Augusta. But I wanted you to know that I have been reading your blog for weeks now. I am so sorry for your hurt. I have found out through my own hurt that it is so painful being left. I hurt for you and yet I can't imagine your pain fully. You have such a sweet heart and I understand about not wanting to put the things up. Don't rush it. My family doesn't want to get rid of my mother clothes so we are taking the clothes we want and the church is making us quilts. It made us feel better because the thought of just giving them away or throwing them away is horrible.
    Please know that I am praying for you.

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  18. I know exactly what you mean about keeping her things around you.. it is such a comfort after such a tragic loss!

    You are always in my prayers

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  19. I've followed your blog since your baby girl was born. We lost a daughter to premature birth that lived only 3 days. It hurt in ways I can't explain but you would know. And the healing takes a very long time. Your baby was blessed. And you were too. We now have three children (2 adopted). And yet, the hole in the heart stays. But that is ok. Because we love our babies.

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  20. You must be missing your Magdalena so much. We are so thinking of you. And sending you as much love as we can. We still miss her so much, your beautiful little angel.

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  21. Dear Julie,

    Good to know that you are back home after a wonderful time away!

    You have received some wise advice here. I think the moment by moment, one day at a time approach is what will get you through.

    That and you and Noah holding tight to Jesus, just has He is holding you.

    Prayers continue dear ones!
    Kathy

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  22. Sherlie Andrews10:51 PM

    Hi Julie. I have been praying for you and Noah, your mom, dad, and sisters since Jesus called Magdelena to Himself. My heart aches for all of you. I know what it is like to have empty arms, though I didn't ever spend time with my baby.

    I will continue to pray for all of you, but especially you and Noah. You are dear to me.

    With much love,
    Sherlie Andrews

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