My oldest sister, Lori, also known as Loli on this blog because that is what Magdalena called her, thought about alot of ways for us to capture Magdalena's life even before she was born. For months before and after her birth she let us keep her video camera so that we could capture every new thing that Magdalena experienced. Once the holidays began we knew that Lori would need it to capture memories from her own family. This is when Noah and I considered getting a video camera, and with much investigation we chose a camera. However, when shopping we learned of other features we liked and disliked. And on Thanksgiving Day we purchased our video camera. We learned how to record, but we had not downloaded the videos onto our computer until making Magdalena's video. (The camera records on to its hard drive.) I knew that was one of my favorite videos of hers. Now that I have them I wanted to share some sweet moments with you. It definitely brought tears to my eyes, but mostly I smiled just thinking about how much fun it was to have her in our lives. Maybe one day I will share some of the beginning moments that are currently on small tapes, but for now I will gradually share a little at a time of how wonderful it was to be the parents of such a special girl.
Grieving is different for everyone, and I am thankful that I had the months to prepare for this loss instead of it happening quickly. Last spring I used to spend a lot of time holding my belly and crying. There were so many unknowns that I feared. I grieved last spring about not watching Magdalena grow older as I thought she would and hit so many of the milestones that parents look forward to, so now I don't think of Magdalena when I see an older child. I will always think of her as my sweet baby. I just miss her sweet smile, her big blue eyes, and tiny hands. She required 100% attention, so now it is hard because I am not quite sure what to do with all of my energy. It belonged to her. I am not mad at God, but so glad that I got to have her. She is my child, my first born. I am just struggling because I am a mother with empty arms.
This video was recorded when we discovered that Magdalena responded to her tickle spots. We were SO excited.