O Love That Will Not Let Me Go

As I have begun this journey with an unknown end, I have realized how kind-hearted mothers can be who have experienced the same situation. Doctors can't make promises and those closest to you may have a hard time relating to the situation. However, those who have traveled down this same road that I am on realize how difficult it can be. I have received so much encouragement from them and from reading their ideas and thoughts on their blogs. For this reason, I have added some of their blog sites which can be found on the left column of my blog. I hope that when you have the time, you might check out what they have to say so that you may be encouraged through the lives of children who have had diseases which have affected their lives. Avoiding working on a school project which I need to turn in soon, I began to read some of my past blogs. It seems like a different person wrote those so long ago. This time last year (I believe that it was on this day to be exact!) Noah and I ...

Just for now I am going to simply post the letter that I have emailed out to some of you. I am sorry for this, but my mind is just full. I need a little bit of time to process it before I spit it out. Please forgive me for the time this may take. Thank you so much for caring and loving for Magdalena, our precious daughter. Hello Family and Friends, We are so happy that we will be able to celebrate Magdalena's 33 week birthday tonight! She is have a good summer swimming around. We met with the neonatologist today who work with all of the surrounding hospitals. This was definitely emotionally exhausting. First, he said that the group sees 3-5 Trisomy 18 babies out of a total of 7,000 babies each year. Given Magdalena's weight of 2 pounds 1 ounce and her disease, she will weigh about 4.5 - 5.0 pounds at the time of her birth. There are some decisions that Noah and I must make before going to the hospital, and in a few weeks we will meet with the doctor who will be wor...

I was just about to throw away my Mountain Dew can when I remembered that my sister had said that we should begin to collect the pop tabs for the Ronald McDonald House. The money received from recycling the tabs helps pay for nights stayed in the house by the family. This is a simple way to help families who are going to be dealing with a child's health, so the last thing they need to worry about is the financial resource for their own well being while their child is being cared for. There will be many parties in which cans will be used, consider having everyone give their tabs to you! You can make a good thing out of drinking bad-for-you soda! Because this is a world-wide organization, consider giving to your local House. If you know me personally feel free to just give them to me the next time you see me at church, work, etc., and I will make sure they get there. In fact, I would enjoy this! Let's keep count! If you don't give them to me, drop me an email w...

So many people have been so kind to me during this time in my life, but I want to mention a special friend. I won't mention her name because I haven't told her that I am writing about her, but she will know who she is. She had a baby die early and unexpectedly, and has offered many ideas to my sister since finding out about Magdalena's disease. (She is technically a friend of my sister's, but we are bound together through a common bond.) Things that I may have never considered before, but since my friend had been there, she knew. These things to consider or ideas have helped open discussions between Noah and I so that we keep our feet grounded. Well, my special friend and I had a good small talk last night that meant so much to me. She showed me how to keep the memory alive of a sweet baby. Also, she taught me to do the smallest things that will make me feel better as the mommy, even if noone understands. Every time I go to Wal-mart by myself I walk down the baby...

This weekend I am house sitting for my sister and taking care of her dogs while she is out of town. Just breathing in her air made me want to blog. Noah is working long hours this week because of a shortage of employees, so after getting up I took another nap. I can't think of what I have done to make myself so exhausted, but a nap was needed. My sister's dog, Bailey, agreed that he was tired too, so he napped with me. For the next month Noah and I are taking labor/delivery classes on Tuesday nights. It is weird how the instructor continually used the word "excitement" and "what to look forward to" because I knew that those words applied to everyone else in the class. At one point I really had to block what she was saying to keep my tears inside. I have learned to do that better at some times than others because I know that this will happen for the rest of my life. We were encouraged by the instructor to breast feed and she gave many opinions, but I just...

As a kid growing up (mostly in the 80's, mind you), I used to listen to a Christian rock group that my older brother liked called Petra. Sometime in the early 80's my father, somewhat surprisingly, took us to a concert and I remember loving it. Of course we bought all of their albums and eventually tapes (CDs were still about 10 years away) for a few years and I even went to another concert of theirs with my youth ministry sometime in the early 90's. As a group, Petra is extremely prolific and still popular in some places like Mexico since they have lots of recordings in Spanish. Even when my interest in them and Christianity faded, I always respected them for being so openly straightforward about their beliefs and the fact that they use so much Scripture in their lyrics. There is no doubt where they stand. Nevertheless, out of all music that I have heard from them, my favorite song is still one that I heard as a little kid at that first concert. It is called "Grave Ro...

This summer has been an excellent time of relaxation for me. I have been able to keep up my house better, make Noah's lunch, go to the pool, etc. My professors for my last classes, which were in the spring, in the master's program did give me extra time to finish my work because I had gotten so distracted with Magdalena's news in April, and I just needed the time to deal with it. I lack only the final project of one class now, but doing that type of work is not stressful to me. Being able to keep the stress level low for school helped me to get it done, finish well, and still learn. Without the kindness of the university and professors, I can't say that I wouldn't have just given up at that point. I can't wait to see how God is going to use me having that degree because I have learned so much from it. So I was enjoying a hot summer day last week driving while sipping on a cold, cherry diet coke when I heard a song that got my attention. It was Natalie M...

First, I am beginning this blog to tease my oldest sister because I told her that I would. All of the details of keeping updates, pictures, videos, etc. I am just not good at considering them. I am much better at keeping my pain and thoughts private. However, when I do need to say a thought or idea out loud I enjoy telling them to Lori because she will talk with me and restrain her tears for when she is away from me. Now, we have cried together at appropriate times, but I cry a lot by myself and with Noah, so when I am talking about Magdalena having someone else begin to cry can make it tough for me. This is because I know the pain and I will want to begin crying right then and there. Lori has heard it all, and if you know her, you will agree that she is one tough cookie. When we had a team participating in the March for Babies event to raise money for the March of Dimes, Noah set up a facebook group, Magdalena's Feet, to get everybody involved. Well, Lori on many occasions reminde...

I have recently been given the huge responsibility of updating the blog when Julie and Noah cannot. Although I am not reporting any new news today, I thought I would "test" the blog before August. So, while I am here, I thought it would be a good time for me to make a public confession - and yes, I have already discussed this with Julie. When Julie was anxiously awaiting the time to find out if the baby was a boy or a girl, all she talked about was having a girl. She wanted a girl more than anything. She wanted a girl so much, she and Noah already had a name picked out. Magdalena Grace. She was so excited about the name. Me? I couldn't believe that was the name they picked out! How was this little girl going to grow up in Mississippi with that name? Would she ever learn how to spell her name? I had to look at an email everytime I wanted to spell it. Now, as everything has progressed, I continually am reminded of Jeremiah 1:4-5. "The word of the Lord came...

Sweet little Magdalena's imminent birth has certainly challenged Julie and me. We know that every day that passes brings her closer to us holding her in our hands which we eagerly look forward to, but we also are keenly aware of what may come shortly after. Julie and I acknowledged to each other a few days ago that we are scared. Are we strong enough to deal with this uncertainty and the pain and grief that are likely on the road ahead? I am not sure, but I am so thankful that we don't have to be. We are not left alone in a meaningless universe with no hope. We have an amazing God that we can trust to take care of us and meet our needs just when we need them. "Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." (Hebrews 4:16) I love this verse and the promise it contains! The last few words could be translated, "...and find grace for a well-timed help." God's grace comes to us j...

Here are some gorgeous pictures of our sweet baby, Magdalena Grace, who is officially 30 weeks old weighing 2 pounds and 1 ounce. I think that she has Noah's nose!

This disease has affected everyone in my family. There is always the arrogant assumption made that things like this could never happen to me, and here we are dealing with a disease that we had never heard of before Magdalena. That is what makes her even so more special to me because she reminds me daily of our dependence upon God and His strength. There are so many times when I see another pregnant woman or baby and tell God that this just is not fair. I can even feel myself getting angry at the situation, but then, I feel a little kick and I am reminded by her that this is her purpose in life, no matter how long or short. As I begin my 30th week of pregnancy I am getting a bit scared as our time with her in my belly is quickly coming to an end. She daily tells me she loves me, and sometimes she even makes mistakes by kicking my bladder but she is always quick to apologize. Her movements are her way of communicating with me, and that is our bond. I am the only one who knows her ...