O Love That Will Not Let Me Go

A few days after Magdalena's passing Noah and I decided to take a trip together. After contemplating many places, we decided on Washington, D.C. We wanted to be able to go somewhere that we could do fun things together but relax without having a schedule. Thanks to the help of others we were able to take this trip. Yes, we are here in Washington now while I am blogging. We wanted to go ahead and write because we realized after hearing a few voicemails and reading a few emails that we had not told anyone! Please forgive us for not keeping better in touch. I forgot my coat as we were leaving for the airport, but thanks to my mom she made it to the airport with it JUST as we were loading the plane! Good job, Mom! You can tell by the pictures what the consequence would have been! We are having so much fun! We sleep until we wake up, and then, we walk to a museum that we chose the night before. We leisurely eat, walk, and visit a few sights. This trip has been emotional in...

My oldest sister, Lori, also known as Loli on this blog because that is what Magdalena called her, thought about alot of ways for us to capture Magdalena's life even before she was born. For months before and after her birth she let us keep her video camera so that we could capture every new thing that Magdalena experienced. Once the holidays began we knew that Lori would need it to capture memories from her own family. This is when Noah and I considered getting a video camera, and with much investigation we chose a camera. However, when shopping we learned of other features we liked and disliked. And on Thanksgiving Day we purchased our video camera. We learned how to record, but we had not downloaded the videos onto our computer until making Magdalena's video. (The camera records on to its hard drive.) I knew that was one of my favorite videos of hers. Now that I have them I wanted to share some sweet moments with you. It definitely brought tears to my eyes, but most...

Not since I was young has someone in my family passed away, and even then it was not a close relative, so I have never truly grieved over someone. I have never seen a body after the soul has left it. This is something that I dreaded because there were so many unknowns. I just didn't think that I would be able to handle seeing Magdalena is this condition. Once in the hospital and once after a few days of being home Magdalena scared me thinking that her time was up here on earth. As I wrote in previous posts, it was a scary moment. She turned so blue, and her eyes were open looking at me as I beat her heavily on the back. During those times I felt helpless, and it was even more emotional because she was suffering trying to breathe. I did not want to see her pass in this way. Many of you wrote how surprised you were when hearing that Magdalena had gone to be with Jesus, and honestly I was surprised too....to a certain extent. I knew that she was getting sicker and her cheek...

Thank you so much for all of the encouraging words that you have sent to me and prayers that you have said on behalf of my family. So many have been answered. I made it through the visitation and celebration of life. What I mean is that I was able to fully participate in both and truly celebrate having had her with us. God gave Rev. Ken the exact words to be said to glorify him through Magdalena's life. I feared that I would be so overwhelmed with grief that keeping the chapel from flooding from my tears would be an accomplishment. God gave me peace. It was the perfect peace to watch the video and smile thinking of all of the memories and to truly listen to Ken's words. Thank you, Ken, for praying for the words that you would say. Each one was sent by God. It was obvious. I do want to share that with such a sad time for Noah and me all of the ways that God has truly blessed us, but for now please know that your prayers have been answered. God gave us so much time with our swe...

Before you begin to play the video, page down to the bottom to pause the music. Then play the video and enjoy the pictures of beautiful Magdalena.

Wow!!! Looks like a lot of people around the world will be in pink in honour of MGR tomorrow!!! So, let's add another twist to show how far the love for her reaches around the world. If you would, please take a picture and email it to Julie and Noah at the address below. You can be as creative as you would like to be. For instance, if you are in San Antonio and close to the Alamo, take a picture there. We would like to post these pictures on the blog to show everyone how large a foot print Magdalena has made!! Stephen

In honor or a sweet girly girl please wear something pink to Magdalena's Celebration of Life on Thursday. No worries if you don't have something pink! But wear colors to celebrate all that she has done while she was here with us and all the love that she allowed us to give her. She was an amazing miracle!

Thank you for all of your prayers and support during this time. I know both Julie and Noah are encouraged by your prayers and comments that you have left. Here are the arrangements that I have so far. Visitation will be held on Wednesday, January 14 th from 5:00pm to 7:00pm. Here is the link for information on the funeral home: http://www.lakewoodfuneralhomes.com/ The funeral will be held in the chapel on Thursday, January 15 th at 11:00 am with a brief visitation at 10:00am. In lieu of flowers, Julie and Noah have requested that donations be made to one of the following charities that have meant so much to them. Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep http://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org/products/nilmdts_donation/ You may note in the comment section at check out that "This donation is in memory of Magdalena Grace Roberts". March of Dimes (this is not the gadget on the blog. Julie would prefer it to be sent in memory of Magdalena Grace Roberts.) https://www.marchofdimes.c...

This morning Magdalena left this world to be with Jesus. There really isn't too much else I can say but to please pray for Julie and Noah. For now, they do not want any calls, emails or visits. I will you keep you updated on the arrangements.

When Magdalena had a good, fun day on Friday I thought that we were on the road to recovery. The next day and night would prove us otherwise. Not only did it sound as though Magdalena's cough had worsened, but her heart monitor continued to go off because of her low heart rate. And every cough was followed by crying. Between the three a good night's rest did not exist. Not only because of the noise, but also, because of the fear of what this truly means. Questions ran through our mind all day. Is this it? Is this the cough that tells us her heart is doing worse? Noah was told today that low heart rate could be associated with the coughing. This eased our minds a little, but we are still concerned. Her temperature rises a little, but it always goes back down. We have had to continue to keep check. Those big blues eyes have gone into hiding today, or if Magdalena chooses to share them with us, they come with loud cries. She does not feel well. Times like this are ...

Although Magdalena returned to feeling yucky today, yesterday she was a little more upbeat. Loli, Caroline, and Emma had a movie night and invited us to come! Magdalena enjoyed watching a bit of Horton Hears A Who, but then, just being in Loli's house made her realize a good snuggle time was coming! You can see that Emma was trying to help by patting Magdalena's heinie.

After many nights of little sleep and waking up at 3 in the morning to begin the day, Mimi took Magdalena to spend the afternoon with her. Noah and I took turns to rest yesterday. Noah took a good nap yesterday afternoon, so last night I went to bed early. Although I have been awake since about 4:30, I feel like a new person. Magdalena and I slept through the next (this excludes normal night things to wake her up briefly like a diaper change). I am hoping that today I will see some more of her blue eyes and hear less cries, but we will see!

I have failed to write long posts lately because of all the lack of sleep happening in our house right now. Magdalena and I both have the crud, and if I am not coughing, she is. Poor Noah is awoken by one of us making noises. It upsets Magdalena so much when she coughs, and I am sure that she is sore too! Noah is taking preventative cold medicine because if he gets sick this whole family is going to break down. He is taking Hebrew II as a winter course which is everyday from 9 am - 12 am, so he needs his brain in top functioning mode! I do have to share that I am so excited that yesterday Magdalena got her car seat/stroller delivered. I never had any showers and very few gifts were given prior to Magdalena's birth because of the so many unknowns. With some generous financial gifts given to us Noah and I went Magdalena shopping. We had so much fun! We got teething stuff, humidifier, bibs, baby bag, and we picked out a stroller. Because a stroller is such a commitment I didn't ...

Thanks to a very generous donation by our t-shirt maker / we have gorgeous shirts for our walk, and 100% of the money given for the shirts goes to March of Dimes. We want to get the order in early so you can wear them with pride for awareness or to walk in. They cost $15 for adult sizes. (But you can give a larger amount since all money goes to MOD!!) You can order a child's size for $10, but be aware the format is not smaller on child sizes! If you would like one mailed to you I will need to check on shipping prices....I am thinking that it would cost about $3 per a shirt but we can always try to send it with someone who is heading in your direction! Email me if you are interested!

Getting the pictures posted from the birth was all that I could do last time because it brings back all of the emotions that Noah and I felt that day, but I realized that I never shared what happened once we arrived at the hospital. Stephen and Lori did a great job at posting updates for all of you who were praying for Magdalena. Not only did they work the blog, but they sent and answered emails for us. They kept us from having to separate our attention from Magdalena. I prayed that God would give me a girl, but knowing his sense of humor I thought that I might just end up with a boy. My middle sister, Jennifer, had the first boy in the family in April 2008, so I knew NOTHING about boys. Also, I had what I believed to be the perfect girl name, Magdalena Grace. Noah and I didn't have to think or discuss names. I learned of the name years before I met Noah, and when I mentioned it to him we both knew that is what we would name our daughter. I feel very strongly about abortion, an...

Please enjoy these pictures taken by Andrea in association with Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep. Just looking at these pictures makes me cry because it is a reminder of all the emotions that Noah and I felt at the time. Nervous and scared of so many unknowns, and then, the joy of meeting our first child. God was there in that room with us. Each person there was hand chosen by Him to assist in the care, and some of them still read this blog because they love Magdalena too. Thank you. Thank you for loving her. Thank you for answering the call to become in the health care profession. All of you will always be in our hearts and remembered forever because you allowed God to use you so that we could meet our child, our baby. We love you.