O Love That Will Not Let Me Go

Sometimes I am guilty of learning the words to songs without really considering the meaning of it all. But the older I get, the more aware of what I let sink into my brain. The space is limited there so I have to consider what I want to fill it with! I am definitely a Lady Antebellum fan, and when I got their newest c.d. their song "Hello World" was not one of my favorites, so I skipped over it a lot. But one day I listened to the words, and I thought that it was beautiful, a simple reminder of waking up. We get so busy in today's society that we let all of the beautiful gifts of God pass us by, and sometimes it takes something big happening in our lives to realize how much the little, daily life things mean to us. Magdalena's life and death made me realize my immortality and selfishness, and I hope that God will continue to open my brain so that I can soak up the small things that he gives me. My small things sometimes consist of coffee and quiet time before W...

With our bellies full of turkey Noah and I pulled out our Christmas decorations. Last year I bought a little tree and small decorations so that Walt would really have a good Christmas, and I am glad that I made that small investment last year. Walt will love Christmas, and although I want to keep it as normal as possible for Noah and me, I can't bear to have Walt miss out on the part of the year that I used to anticipate all year round. I enjoy celebrating Christ's birth. Most of the season is focused on being around family, so this is such a bittersweet time for us. The first box that I opened had Magdalena's stocking right there on top. It was like ripping the band-aid off instead of slowly pealing it back. Then, I pulled out the ornament that the ladies at Sweet Dreams had given to her. Well, it took all I had not to stop there. I am not antsy to play Christmas tunes, but I love what this time of the year signifies. Because Christ was born, I will be in heaven ...

God has blessed us more than we could have ever imagined in our lifetime, and today we got to recognize this special day with our families. Growing up my mom was amazing to create such special traditions for us each holiday, and one of them is blueberry muffins with chocolate milk on Thanksgiving morning while watching the parade. Today Walt got to enjoy his first blueberry muffin experience. We put down a towel because we knew that he would make a mess, but it was a blast! My mom and dad came over to spend some time with us too! This little man has brought more smiles to my face than I ever thought was possible. Thank you, God, for this precious little boy that you gave to me! I love my family! We have made it through some of the toughest days together, and they have a huge amount of patience with me! Thank you, God, for my two men! And today I went to Magdalena's grave and spent my first peaceful time there. It was a gorgeous day, not too warm and not too hot. A slight ...

Today was a bittersweet day for everyone who knew Layne and her family. We are so full of joy knowing that she is no longer suffering, but she has been fully healed and dancing in honor of God. Yet, our hearts and arms long to keep her here with us. The Gaston family planned an amazing time of celebrating Layne's sweet life and the time that God gave us here on earth. Please continue to pray for the Gaston Family and their two other children as we enter into the holiday season, which is the most difficult time for us who have lost our sweet babies.

Just in case you didn't read this on Layne's CaringBridge site, here is the information for her service. A graveside service will be held Sunday, November 21st at 2:00 pm at the New Cemetery with a Celebration Service immediately following at the First Baptist Church Fellowship Hall (around 2:30). Although we are very saddened by the loss of Layne, it is also a joyous time because she is in her heavenly Father's arms & is fully healed. Because of this, we are asking everyone to celebrate her life with us by wearing some form of bright color at the services this Sunday, whether it be clothing, accessories, etc. Also, in lieu of flowers, we are asking that all memorial donations be sent to: First Baptist Church Preschool Mural Fund (in honor of Layne Grace Gaston)

Early this morning Layne went to be with Jesus. Please pray for the Gaston family as they endure this loss and celebrate her healing.

Please continue to pray for Layne and her family as they care for Layne at home. As of midnight she was having episodes every 15 minutes. In an episode Layne would stop breathing, turn color, and after waiting would begin to breathe again. Please pray for Layne's parents and that God will give them the strength to endure.

After working with Magdalena's pictures, I went back to Walt's scrapbook! My goal for each child is to scrapbook their first year. This takes the place of a typical baby book. I needed to continue with Walt's, which I had not done since this past summer, so I pulled out my cricut machine and got started. Here are the pages of Walt sleeping in his bed for the very first time!

I don't know what made me decide Saturday night to begin editing my Magdalena photos, but I did, and it continued through Sunday. There are so many that I still have not finished. I am getting them ready to be put in a photo book one day, if I can get the nerve to make it. Well, you can imagine what that does to my heart. It pulled it down. Do you know how hard it is to be in the same room with your spouse when you are mad at them? (or maybe it is just me and my temper) Well, that is how I felt with God today. I miss her. She looked just like Walt. Then, God smiled at me today. He smiled at me through my little man. We laid for at least 5 minutes on the ground laughing at him putting his hand in my mouth. Laughing is not an adequate word because he was hysterical. Then, for another 5 minutes we laughed at me putting my hand in his mouth. He laughed and laughed which made me laugh. If I had moved for a moment to get a camera, the moment would have been lost. So we lau...

Yesterday Walt and I had a very fun day! Although he has some major snot issues, they did not slow him down! We worked together on putting the letters to his name inside the correct spot. The neat puzzle/stool was an awesome gift to him from his Kiki and Aimsey! After awhile he was crawling over the stool (pic below), pulling the stool over (so hard that he fell over with it!), and tasting it all. He was such a funny, little man, but it was an incredible day, and I was reminded of why I am glad to be able to stay home with him.

My Psalm for today was beautiful, Psalm 4. I highlighted my favorite parts of the chapter below. It reminded me that God's mercy on us isn't what we expect or ask of him. He knows the big picture in a bigger way than we do. The night before Magdalena died Noah and I took shifts staying awake. We knew she was sick, but I don't know if we acknowledge that this could be the time for her to go home. As I attempted sleep while Noah stayed awake I sobbed and cried out to God for mercy. In my mind that mercy meant more time. I have never felt like God did not hear me, but today as I read Psalm for it was a reminder that in the greatest of things and the tiniest of details God's mercy may not be what we expect. What I had been asking of him was all for me, not for Magdalena whose body was tired, and definitely not for God's glory. I wanted to hold on tight to a life that was not mine to begin with. He did have mercy on me in ways that I never knew to ask, one is ...

Last weekend I went on a women's retreat, and with the preparations before and after, I have not posted. It was an amazing time of study, reflection, and fellowship. I have struggled for so long getting to know people again. Noah gently pushes me, but I prefer very much to myself and my family. I don't go anywhere without Noah if I don't know the people well. He relieves me of the social pressure. Since I have moved in between two of the most social people ever, I have been forced to either jump on the boat or stay on the shore. Well, I jumped on the boat and went to the retreat, and it was an amazing experience for me. One of the things that I have struggled with is prayer. It is definitely a heart issue that God was dealing with me on because it is easy to pray when things are fantastic. It is easier to bring something before God when you need something. But praying when you don't like the hand that you have been dealt can be a bit more challenging. I had t...

Some of you may still be confused about titles of blog posts that begin with "Week", but there is a book by Nancy Guthrie titled The One Year Book of Hope , which I have been slowly reading through. Some readers have joined with me and post comments while others follow along silently. This book is not for those who have lost a child specifically, but it is for anyone who has suffered. At the top of my blog there is a button that says "One Year of Hope", and it will direct you to all of my journaling on the book. Join us late if you like, so that you too can see the hope in Christ. This chapter came in the midst of a lot of things happening, and it was kind of hard to swallow. Many of you may have more to say about feeling protected by God, and please, speak up through commenting so that other readers may benefit through your story. For me, it was a reminder that I have not been forsaken. Psalms 91 91:1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide...