Joy In The Morning

Well, this week has been overwhelming. Noah has been in school while I started a new job. I can't believe that it has been a year since I held my sweet baby. It feels like yesterday but at the same time it feels so far away. I continue to long for the day when I will see her again, but I have begun to realize that ache will always be there. I will see it when my nephew, who was born the same year as Magdalena, reaches certain milestones. I will see it when a little girl runs to her daddy. It will be there when Walt makes the same expression as Magdalena when their forehead wrinkles, and their eyes talk for them. I pray that God will continue to bless us with his peace in the years to come.

For months I have really been thinking about starting a non-profit organization to offer support to families who have lost a child, but I have not been quite sure what I have to offer them. The thought has continued to follow me, and I realized that although I adore March of Dimes and Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep because they offer such great things for parents, but they don't offer the ultimate gift, Jesus Christ. I also realized that there are many who have not lost children but have been given gifts and have been called to serve those that have. Then, in early fall God revealed to me something so small that has set the wheels in motion.

I was sobbing as I drove home from work. I received and continue to receive emails of those who have lost a child, but I couldn't get this particular mommy out of my mind. All day my heart was breaking for her, and I wanted to just drive and give her a big hug. She would have no tangible memories of her baby to cherish after she lost him because it happened just weeks before the due date. I got home, and I wobbled (still pregnant with Walt) up the stairs and there was the angel doll hankie that someone had given me.

There had been a two week waiting period between when I had the amniocentesis done and when we received the results. The doctors really thought the possibility would be that Magdalena had Down's Syndrome. During the two weeks I had gotten prepared for her to have Down's and dealing with it was hard. My mom and I walked into a gift shop where an old friend was working who gave us this sweet doll hankie. It is meant for a little girl to have as a doll to play with during church, and when she is grown it is a hankie for her wedding day. It was beautiful. And for awhile I have thought about making it a hankie for me to carry around as something tangible from Magdalena, but I haven't had the strength to do it.

When I saw the doll hankie I knew that I wanted to send this woman a hankie. Over the months a gifted friend has helped me to find dainty hankies, and after emailing the owner I can buy them at a cheaper rate. Then, my friend is monogramming them. God gave me the verse that has offered much comfort, Psalm 30:5 "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning." We are still working on the details, but this verse will be monogrammed on the hankie. It will offer all the hurting mommies a tangible way to remember their child, a promise from God, and something to catch their tears.

When telling my sister what I was doing she said that I should start an organization, and little did she realize that her verbalizing my thoughts really got me to consider it. I began to think how great it would be to offer counseling groups, forums, and love to these hurting people. And as many great thoughts have come to people in the shower so did the name of this possible organization. I want it to be called "Joy in the Morning". We are not promising that every day will be sunny and happy, but we are going to show them that they can still have joy and peace through Christ. Joy doesn't fluctuate with the mood of the day, but it penetrates to the heart, and it is a gift that only God can give.

There are no details right now because we are still at the planning period, but I beg of all that read this to please pray that God would close any doors that may lead us down the wrong path, and also, that he would give us strength and guidance. Also, pray that God will show those people who may not have ever lost a child but have gifts to help the suffering, how they can help.