O Love That Will Not Let Me Go

I have heard that it is hard to let go and allow your children to do things on their own. It seems hard now, so it is hard to imagine what lies ahead. Walt wants to hold his head up on his own, hold his toy on his own, and I am wanting the time to go by more slowly so that I can enjoy this stage of life longer. Every mom is over protective, but I feel too protective of him. I know that I need to give him to God because that is where is health and safety lie, but it is so hard. Before I go to sleep I go to check on him. I lay my hand on his chest to let the sound of his breathing soothe me because when I can't see his chest rise and fall I get nervous. Because he wants to grab things, and he also wants to put them in his mouth, I have become a little obsessed with his breathing. Can this suffocate him? Would he move it away from his mouth if it was? I know that he is God's child, but I really want to keep this one for a long while. I am praying so hard that God will ca...

Thank you for responding to my last post. It will be amazing to see what God does in the months ahead. We are not planning to sell the hankies, but through donations made mail them to special mommies who have lost a child. It may be a little while before thing get in motion, but if you know of someone who has lost a child, please, email me their info. We are working on the finishing touches, and I am hoping to post a picture of one soon. It isn't about mailing a hankie, but it is about loving on these parents who are experiencing one of the worst kinds of pain. We want to let them know about the joy that will help them through the storm and hold them. I heard this song the morning I decided the name would be Joy in the Morning, and I knew that this was exactly what I wanted to do. Although I don't know the details, I know that I want to love them like Jesus. Thank you, Casting Crowns, for writing so many songs that has pointed me to Jesus in the last two years. ...

Well, this week has been overwhelming. Noah has been in school while I started a new job. I can't believe that it has been a year since I held my sweet baby. It feels like yesterday but at the same time it feels so far away. I continue to long for the day when I will see her again, but I have begun to realize that ache will always be there. I will see it when my nephew, who was born the same year as Magdalena, reaches certain milestones. I will see it when a little girl runs to her daddy. It will be there when Walt makes the same expression as Magdalena when their forehead wrinkles, and their eyes talk for them. I pray that God will continue to bless us with his peace in the years to come. For months I have really been thinking about starting a non-profit organization to offer support to families who have lost a child, but I have not been quite sure what I have to offer them. The thought has continued to follow me, and I realized that although I adore March of Dimes and No...

Please pray for my family as we attempt to get through a day where Noah and I lost a daughter, our first child Grandparents said goodbye to their granddaughter Great-Grandparents suffer loss Aunts and Uncles gave their last hugs Cousins miss their little friend But God welcomed his precious daughter home She is singing. She is dancing. She is praising him. She is healthy.

Lots of new things are happening. First, Walt traveled on an airplane for the very first time. It was our first time to see where Kiki and Ry live. And now I am preparing for my new job tomorrow. We are all excited about it, but I will definitely miss my sweet little man! This week is already difficult as we remember our last days with Magdalena. What we were doing with her and not knowing what was coming. I want to remember her this week in a way that she would be proud of her mommy, but it is hard when life continues and she is not there. Please pray for our family as we start a year that exists without her. She continues to have so much of my heart. First Corinthians 4:17-18 For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. Walt and I are about to get o...

In October I began dreading the quickly approaching holidays, and, yet, I felt determined that Walt have good memories for his first Christmas. Noah and I talked multiple times about going somewhere to spend Christmas so that we were doing something different. I wanted to skip all of the traditions that mean so much to our family because this year they only highlighted my sweet girl's absence. In the end we ended up attempting to make it through the few days. My amazing husband was sure that I knew that we could leave from my parents house at any moment. Although everyone wanted us there, he wanted to protect me as much as possible. We were on our own time schedule this year in hopes that smaller amounts in a particular event would help us to make it through. While I was getting ready to go to my grandmother's house on Christmas Eve I began to evaluate how important certain traditions are to me. Yes, part of Christmas is family, but this year it felt like the center of ...