Sunday, May 31, 2009

Alone

Lamentations 3:22-23, "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."

In the upcoming week I will be surrounded by my family, but half of me has left. Noah is on his way to Colorado with the youth, and I am here missing him. So that I can rest well at night I am leaving to stay with my parents, and I am sure there I will have a ton of fun with them, but there is nothing like having your hubby around. When we were spending some time together yesterday I realized how much I was dreading him leaving me. We have been separated before; when I went to Mexico on a mission trip and for other various things we spent nights apart, but I was truly dreading being apart from him. Yet, this is the first time we have been apart since Magdalena has passed. Noah and I have talked about how much harder it is to be at home without the other one here because we think more about her, and it makes our heart ache even more. It will be hard to be apart from him this week. The work that he will be a part of of is great as the youth worship our God and deepen their knowledge of him. Noah has always had a heart for working with the youth, so I know right now he is enjoying where God has placed him.

Yesterday we had an amazing turnout for our Southern Living at Home's Party with a Purpose. The proceeds went to Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep (www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org), an organization that has become so dear to my family. Andrea, Magdalena's photographer, came to the party to share the organization's purpose and how people can help. I don't know exactly how much was raised, but as soon as I get a number I will share it with you guys!


Also, here is a video from Magdalena's time with Grandmom, her great-grandmother, who would come by to visit that sweet, big girl. I had wanted to share them both together because she is crying in the first one, but in the second video you can see how happy she was once her belly has some food in it, but I couldn't quite get it uploaded. I will just show this one, and you can tell that she is ready for her nap because she could barely keep those eyes open. It is as though she is trying to stay awake for her special company.



video

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Last night I woke up in the wee hours of the morning desperately needing some water for little Walt, but then, I could not go back to sleep. I laid there for the longest time just thinking, and of course, I was thinking about Magdalena. Being at home this summer makes missing her even harder because I end up thinking about what I would be doing if she were here with me. As I was thinking about her I somehow remembered that I started posting videos, but then, I never finished. And so many of them are too cute. I just wished that I had taken more, and this does get me frustrated at myself, but I am thankful for the ones we do have. I will work on getting them up the rest of this week.

Here is Loli feeding Magdalena on December 3, 2008!

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Wednesday, May 27, 2009

It has been awhile since I posted last. Although I had the intention of posting at least once a week work, pregnancy, and life kept me tired. Finally, summer has arrived! I spent my first day enjoying a cup of coffee and a muffin in the quiet while Noah slept a little more. My body is used to waking up as it normally does, but there is something wonderful about spending extra time in p.j.s while watching the news with a cup of coffee. My goal for the summer is to finish/begin/work on Magdalena's scrapbook. Ideally I would love to have it finished before Walt arrives, but it will be interesting to see how that plays out. I am not an artsy person at all, but none of the baby books quite fit Magdalena. She needed something special to keep her memories in, and I want it to be perfect.

In the past month work has gone well, and I am blessed to be around people who have the patience to deal with me each day. Caroline, my oldest niece, received an award for having the most AR (Accelerated Reader) points in her class! Yay! She definitely gets this from her Mommy and Boo (and Gigi since Twilight has come out). In the past year I have been an awful aunt, not really participating in the lives of my nieces. So much has happened to them, and I missed so much that I wanted to be sure to at least go to something by the end of the year. Caroline has become an incredible softball player, and at her last game we got to watch her hit a homerun, her first one!



Yesterday Magdalena's bunny came in the mail. Last fall a blog reader turned her name into Baby Be Blessed to possibly win a doll, and she did! The inside of the rabbit's ears are lined with the green from her sweet pea blanket, and those are her footprints along with her favorite verse. Pink was always Magdalena's signature color! Baby Be Blessed is an incredible ministry, and I hope that you will take the time to check out their website. God uses all types of skills to glorify him! http://babybeblesseddolls.com/




I just had to give you all a good laugh at the shirt my mom bought for me this week. She had seen it at the store, talked/laughed about it for a few days, and then, went back to get it because she was determined that it would be a huge hit! She thinks that I am going to be hot this summer being pregnant, so this shirt would fit me perfectly.


Overall, Noah and I are doing well. So many days we are trying to figure out what is best for us while he is in school, but he constantly reminds me that God is in control, and He will take care of us. He always has. When I look back on our entire lives while Magdalena was inside of me and while she was in this world, I can see God's constant care in each big and small part of our lives. Yet, I can still get caught up with me trying to solve a daily problem on my own as though He is incapable. When will I ever learn to fully give it to him? I am thankful to have a husband that reminds me to do this, even when I still stubbornly try to hang onto it.
Magdalena is constantly on our minds and hearts. Just a few moments ago Noah was laying on the couch waiting on me to finish blogging, and I told him that I would meet him upstairs to sleep in a moment. He reminded me of how he would lay on the couch just like that with Magdalena on his tummy while both of them slept. She was definitely a Daddy's girl. He was always able to soothe her in ways that I couldn't. This is hard to explain unless you have seen it. This summer is going to be hard because I won't be terribly busy, but at the same time it will be good to relax for the upcoming year.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Name Announcement

Well, Noah and I had ideas about what we wanted to name baby boy, but we both agreed that it must mean something. For this reason, he will be called Walter (Walt) Douglas Roberts. Walter after baby boy's Great-Granddad, who passed away in January, and his Papa (Grandfather); and Douglas puts his amazing daddy (who was named after his own beloved grandfather) in there too! Three of the most amazing men in my life!
I know that many of you may be wondering where the silent "g" is in the name. Well, you can put it right before the "t" in Walter! Just kidding!

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Baby Roberts' Health

Today the doctor had positive things to say about Baby Roberts. Although his examination is not a 100% certain, he did not see any marks that would raise concern about a chromosonal problem. All of the measurements put him at the 19-week mark, and I am officially 19 weeks and 1 day, so that is good news! He weighs 9 ounces!
Also, this gave Noah and me a great opportunity to tell the doctor about Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep (http://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org/) for more mothers to benefit from. And of course, we showed him our sweet pictures of Magdalena as most proud parents would to their doctor. Overall, the experience was great, for which I am so thankful. We are continuing to cheer Baby Roberts on!

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Prayer

Please begin praying for Baby Roberts, Noah, and me. Our high-risk doctor's appointment is this Tuesday morning at 8:30. Of course, we are extremely nervous about this appointment. The doctor will spend time looking very closely at the ultrasound to see if he sees any marks that could mean possible chromosome or health issues. This is a highly trained doctor, so his view of it weighs heavier than those ultrasounds done at the regular doctor. For this reason, we will have our 20-week ultrasound with the high-risk doctor instead of how it is normally done. Because of the risks involved in getting an amniocentesis, we only want to get one done if the doctor sees multiple marks.
When we chose to have the amniocentesis done while I was pregnant with Magdalena, the doctor saw three marks that let us know that there was a possible problem. She had a short femur, extremely low weight/size, and a heart problem. There were small things too that were associated with T18, but I don't think that those are really counted when deciding whether or not to have an amniocentesis done.
Thanks so much for your prayers!

Saturday, May 09, 2009

Congratulations!

Congratulations to Tim Shumaker for winning the Serta mattress!
Thanks to a donation by Mattress Direct, we were able to give away a queen size Serta mattress. I like for everyone to win, so I am sorry for those who didn't, but thank you for buying raffle tickets to support the March of Dimes!

March for Babies 2009

Thanks to all of the teamwork this year we had an incredible time at the March for Babies! So many people donated time and items to help make everything so special for sweet Magdalena. People in different parts of the U.S. joined our team, and then, walked in their own state. And together we raised over 15,000 dollars to help all babies. How amazing! Thanks so much for all of the hard work, guys! Also, these pictures were taken by Yohan Pamudji, who was so kind to offer to take these for us. He ran up and down the walk the entire time, and I am positive he got more than 3 miles in!
Look how great our tent looked! Thanks, Laura, for letting us use your tent and having this sign made for us!
Look at the size of our team! Wow! We won the best t-shirt award, the most walker award, and Lori won the prize for the individual who raised the most money! Next year we are going to have to share the awards!

Our family getting ready for the big 3 miles! It was such an emotional day for all of us. Look closely at the picture, and you will see that both Lori (Loli) and I are wearing white buttons that say "Team Captain". The March of Dimes lady, Melanie, knew that Lori was in charge too! Ha! I will laugh at that for years to come!

Landon is ready to walk for his cousin! Look at that sweet smile while hanging out with Papa.

This is at the beginning of the walk when everyone is pumped about getting going. Hmm...I wonder if everyone was still smiling at the end!

Such a sweet picture that I had to share!


Caroline is working on her three miles and smiling the entire time! Fun!

The March of Dimes surprised Baby Roberts with some presents. Thanks to "Babies R Us" they were able to give us a swing, high chair, pack and play, and a bottle set! What an amazing, thoughtful group of people. Of course, Melanie, when presenting it made me tear up for the first time all day. I couldn't hold it in!

Thursday, May 07, 2009

Joy

First, I want to apologize for not recognizing the amazing March for Babies team we had this year before now. I cannot wait to tell you all about it! As you can imagine it was an emotional event for my family and me that we poured our hearts into, and by Monday I really had a breakdown. I didn't want the walk to be a sad event, but an amazing one in which we celebrated the amazing 167 days that God blessed us with, and also, give us a chance to share Magdalena's life with others. So I kept inside the tears, but they were bound to leak out at some point. Once they started there was no more holding it in. I just needed a few days to regroup and gather my strength up again for other battles that await. I didn't want to write about my anger and sadness because I know that those are not my true feelings. They only come around when the devil does a sneak attack during an emotionally tired time. My anger for a few days made me act as a child does when they are mad, not talking to the one person that I really need to talk with. But I was happy when God had mercy on me again and released the heavy burdens on my heart, tore the anger out, and refreshed me for many more days. I don't mean that I walk around happy all day long. No, in fact I would say that I am much more to myself because I really don't want people asking how I am as everyone does not really expecting a true answer. My peace comes down deeper. Joy. Joy is not the day to day feelings and emotions but what we can only get through our God. The time will come when I need to break out of my shell heading into the next phase, but for now I am trying to exist in this one learning a little bit at a time how to live this new kind of life.