I walked into Magdalena's room yesterday afternoon, just looking at all of the pink, and I realized how I am going to miss all of the girly things. Because we may not be ready to put those things away for a while, our little boy's closet may be filled with both pink and blue. Noah and I are very excited about our first boy, and we both agree that having a boy will be much easier emotionally to have this year instead of the girl. It will be a completely new experience so that every time I see a dress, I am not thinking of my first sweet girl. It will be easier to love both in a special way without as many tears and "what ifs". My arms long for Magdalena that no other child will be able to replace, but as soon as I found out that I was pregnant, I knew that this was going to be special pregnancy. One that will be filled with so many unknowns and fears, but also one of so much joy and hope after such a sad time in our lives. We are praying that God will allow us to keep this one with us for a long while.
At my grandfather's funeral, I talked with Caroline, my oldest niece, about Magdalena being a big sister. She looked at my tummy and then back at my face, trying to figure it out because I did not look pregnant yet. She has watched me and the baby grow and it is amazing all of the things she remembers. Yesterday when her mommy told her that I was having a boy, she was ecstatic! She said that she had wanted it to be a boy! And when I saw her at her softball game, the excitement over a boy continued. Later that night, she mentioned to Lori about how she was going to be a big sister to a baby brother and Lori almost thought she was going to have to correct her and explain things. But she remembered that, at the same time when I told Caroline that I was pregnant, I told her that she would be a big sister to the baby because Magdalena would have wanted Caroline to help watch the baby and one day tell the baby all about her, because being the oldest she would remember the most. I wasn't there when Caroline said this, but this morning I kept thinking about that amazing, special moment.