O Love That Will Not Let Me Go

Last Saturday we had the honor of walking in memory of Tucker (December 19, 2006 - March 27, 2006), a very special baby whose mommy is pictured here in the middle between me and Lori. Tucker passed away two years ago this March from SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome). Laura, Tucker's mommy, and I met through my sister, and she has come to mean so much to me throughout my entire journey this past year. When finding out Magdalena's diagnosis last March she discussed so many things that we would never have thought of before, and it is because of this sweet lady that we are a part of March of Dimes. She talked about how it helped with the healing process to do something in honor of Tucker's life, and just a month after Magdalena's diagnosis, before she had ever met me, she was out there with us at March of Dimes' March for Babies. Magdalena blessed so many people on this earth, and all of you continue to write me about it. This helps me to deal with so much of t...

The last week was pretty tough, and I can't tell you anything that made this one different from the rest. While most days I can find myself thinking about Magdalena, talking about her to friends, and organizing her things, one day it just comes crashing in on me. By last Thursday every thing that I did throughout the day was forced. I had to keep myself moving because the world doesn't stop even when I need a break, and I think most people who have lost someone they love can understand this. I have had honest, new friends ask how I am doing and if I prefer Magdalena to be brought up or not. There would be very few things for me to discuss without bringing up her in some form. She has truly shaped me and forever is with me. So I always warn them that on certain days bringing her up may make me cry, but I don't think that I will ever move past that. I think in the years to come I will truly learn who my real friends are because those are the people who will love me de...

Today we had a great doctors appointment! The baby has a strong heartbeat! We were nervous, but now we feel such relief. Between 17 and 20 weeks, at the same time we find out the sex, we will go see Dr. P, the high-risk doctor. He will look to see if the baby has some of the same marks that could be associated with a chromosonal disorder.

I am not sure how much I have written about Noah, but I hope that I have given you a true image of the wonderful man he is. Although we have been married what some consider to be a short period of time, he is so good about reading me, especially since Magdalena passed away. Without words he knows when I want/able to explain her situation to someone we just met or not. Just today we met two new separate people at church. The first one asked if we had children, and we explained Magdalena's situation, and although the opportunity opened up with the second person to discuss Magdalena, I just couldn't do it again. And Noah could just tell not to bring it up. When Magdalena passed we had so much equipment here that belonged to her, oxygen, feeding pump, tubes, syringes, and so much more. It crowded our little home at first, and then, it became part of the decor. Without me knowing he took it all over to our hospice nurse, knowing it would be difficult to wait for it to be pic...

There is an article in honor of our sweet girl this morning in the paper! More people can see God's amazing handiwork in Magdalena.

This video was taken on December 2, 2008 and it is a great example of how our nights were in trying to get Magdalena to sleep. We would try to hold her until she fell asleep and then lay her down, but, of course, they just wouldn't work. She would always end up as she did in this video, completely exhausted but trying to keep those eyes open anyway. She would sleep in her swing because it was much more comfortable to be sitting up. And as you can see, in the swing is one of our soft blankets that she would snuggle up with on the couch and so we put it in the swing too. She really enjoyed this and it helped to keep her warm during the winter. The patting would help to calm her, but as you can see here, she was fighting so hard to stay awake after a long day of shopping with Mimi and Mommy.

Although I had the plan to write over the weekend, I am glad that I can say that I did not have the time to do it. I have been asked to do things before, but I just haven't felt up to the task of socializing. The socializing that I do at church is enough for one week. It hasn't been like I don't want to chit chat, but I have been physically and emotionally tired, really tired, which has just made it so hard. This past Friday, we made plans to go on a double date with some of our fabulous friends, the Elliots, and I was wondering if I was going to be up to it on the day of. Last Friday was the 6th, and that is the toughest day out of the month for me. Along with being tired from work, I was just hoping that I was going to be up to it. Well, we had a blast! We were able to get some good talking in with our friends, eat some delicious food, including some of the best fried pickles that I have ever tasted. It reminded me of Magdalena in a sweet way because that was one of my bi...

March 13th is going to be the last day to order our team t-shirt for Walk for Babies! They are $15 plus $3 if I need to mail it to you. You can email me your size. Thank for your help raising money to help ALL babies! To get another glimpse at the shirt click on the following link.. http://noahandjulieroberts.blogspot.com/2009/01/march-for-babies-t-shirt.html