Saturday, July 19, 2008

Just a Little Note...

I am so glad that Noah updated you just a few days ago. I really lack the words to express my heart at this point, and I am not sure how much more I will blog before we meet our sweet daughter. It always amazes me how many people talk about the strength that we have, but I feel just the opposite. Although my body is exhausted at the end of the day I lie awake just thinking about Magdalena and crying for her and the unknown of what is to come. Keeping busy by house cleaning and grocery shopping are attempts to get my little world ready for when I go into the hospital, but it only makes me more tired, which makes my emotions even crazier. I am sure a few women can relate to this feeling if I explained it well. We have known about this disease for a few months now, but I still didn't understand how I can feel her playing inside of me so fiercely but she will have problems once she comes into the world. When I asked the doctor about this, he explained that I was performing all of her major functions for her. I wish that I could continue to do this and knowing that I can't makes me feel helpless, but there will come a point when I have to let her go. Her body is so little that it won't help give her a good fight, but I believe that it has all been determined by God no matter her weight or how much air she can consume at first.

This past week my oldest sister went out of town, and each family member had the honor of caring for her beautiful daughters. The night they stayed with us, Caroline, the oldest of the two, who is six made a sign that said "Pray for Magdalena", hung it on the wall, and waited for people to come to sign it. Noone came. The next morning she hung an "open" sign and one letting people know where to find the markers to sign, and again she waited for people to sign. If she had stayed at my house much longer I would have had a hard time explaining why people weren't coming. She understands that Magdalena is sick, but after a few things that she said I realized that she doesn't completely understand the situation. Her sweet hope is beautiful. I wanted to take a picture of the sign, but it rained before I got the chance and all the words were smeared.

Also, I wanted to share this video of a beautfiul song that was posted on another Trisomy 18 blog. The words express everything, which leaves me little more to explain.

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4 comments:

  1. I love that utube post! I did struggle with how my sweet baby could move so much and yet he had nothing but a brain stem. I am thankful know for all of the movements he had. Many more then my other chidren, but God knew I needed that. I am sure the time seems surreal. I continue to lift you and your family in prayer. You are being strong by the grace of God even when you don't feel that.

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  2. I am so thankful for the moments when you can express your heart. I am also very thankful for Magdalena and her movements. I know you're a bundle of emotions and nothing anyone says can alleviate that. But I am praying every day for God to "gently lead" you and Noah as you deliver and make choices for and care for Magdalena, as He is really the only one who knows what lies ahead and who holds the power to comfort.

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  3. One more thought: I was in bed last night when I realized I forgot to say that I am also thankful for Magdalena's spirit and her personality. :)
    Sometimes, music and other arts are the best expression for when we have no words -- I think in song lyrics sometimes. Y'all are such a beautiful family!!!

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  4. This is my favorite song of theirs! I tear up everytime I hear it! I love you - and pat Magdalena's bottom for me!

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