As the husband and father in this very difficult time, I feel almost unqualified to write about my feelings and thoughts. I know that as hard as this is for me, it has to be much more difficult for Julie. Julie is the one going through the physical (and often uncomfortable) changes of being pregnant and the one that is constantly being reminded of our present struggles. She has also been able to bond with little Magdalena more since she is the one carrying her. This is that natural way of motherhood. What is not as natural is the fact that Julie has to deal with all of this knowing that at the end of all of this struggle, we probably won't have much time with our baby girl if we get to meet her at all. Julie certainly has it tougher than I do and her thoughts are probably far more beneficial than mine.
However, as the husband and father, I do have a good bit to say. I first want to say that I am amazed at the wife that God gave me. Her strength and ability to persevere during this grief is remarkable. She has continued to work as a teacher and tutors on the side. She has been great around the house and sometimes has to clean up after me and turn lights off that I keep leaving on. On top of that, she has to put up with my silliness! She really is wonderful and I am so thankful for her. I can't imagine life without her now.
It is a wonderful thing to have such a loving God as our Father. We can know that He loves us and cares deeply for us even through this hard time. As difficult as all of this is, we have come to rest in God's sufficient grace for us more than ever before. Jesus tells us not to worry about tomorrow because tomorrow has enough trouble of its own. That, by itself, is not particularly encouraging since we know the pain of loss that is coming in our tomorrows. But that verse combined with verses such as "His mercies are new every morning" give us the promises of grace that let us know that we can get through this.
Please pray for us and our daily faith in God's goodness and provision for us.