Sunday, November 22, 2009

Heaven is the Face

The holidays are here, and I feel it everywhere I go. It seems as though I am constantly on the edge of crying because I am constantly missing her. It doesn't end when I am awake because I dream about her too. Some sweet dreams and some I know do not come from God. I know that I want to honor Magdalena this Thanksgiving because I am so thankful for her, but I am not quite sure how, and the time is getting even closer. I know that God will tell me how I can honor her life in his time. I am trying to slowly bring Christmas into my life because I know that it will be even harder than Thanksgiving. It is hard to describe the intense emotions because Walt brings us so much happiness and laughter, and yet, I can break down crying while he sleeps on my shoulder. He looks just like his sister, which is bittersweet. It's like he knows when to smile at me so that I will smile too. God knew that he would be a perfect gift for us during this time. My heart swells up just by looking into his cute, chubby face.
How can someone look into the face of a child and not believe in God? How can someone survive the loss of someone so special and not see God's hand in it all? Although my pain is great, I can still see Magdalena's imprint on this earth. Maybe even more now than when she was with us. The pain continues to exist, but my heart must override my mind and remember that God's plan is perfect. In the midst of what we see as tragedy, His name is being praised. The heart is deceitful, and when I get mad, frustrated, or ask God "why?", I have to remind myself of what I know to be true, even if I don't feel it at the moment. I find myself having to constantly do that because of the emotions of the holiday season. Noah is reminding me that all of my emotions are ok, but the mind must continue to remember and hold on to the truth.

I heard this song on my way home, and of course, it reminded me of Magdalena. She is a constant reminder of how huge our God is. He is hand is in everything, and although the holidays bring tears, they make me long for heaven even more when I can hold her in my arms. She will be healthy and so happy.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Handprint like Big Sis

On Magdalena's 100-Day Birthday she had an ornament made with her hand print on it. Her cousin's school was making them, and Loli, knowing that it would be a special keepsake for me, set it up for Magdalena to get it done too. I had been thinking about that a month ago and wondered how I could get one made for Walt so that they would both have one on our tree, and the answer came two days later through a letter someone at the school sent. They sent the flyer just in case Walt wanted to have one to match Magdalena's, and of course, he did! It is the smallest things that people do, not expecting to gain anything and not knowing how it will affect someone else, that really change this world. Reflecting on the day I took Magdalena was bittersweet for me because it was such a special day that we never thought we would have, and here we are getting to celebrate with Walt in our own special way too.
He was great on his little outing, but then he is not the misbehaving type. I am so excited to have one just for him too!

Here is is just hanging out and waiting for it to be his turn.

Unlike his sister, Walt did not cry when there was cold paint on his hand.

Here he is already making his imprint on this world!

Thursday, November 05, 2009

Creative?

I know that it seems so far away now, but we have to begin planning for our March of Dimes' shirts early. I would love to have ideas! If you want to draw an idea up and scan it or create one on the computer, please email them to me!! magdalenasmommy@gmail.com
I am hoping to receive so many that the other readers can vote on their favorite! The deadline is DECEMBER 1st!!
Please include what it is (March for Babies), the year (2010), our team's name (Magdalena's Feet) somewhere on the shirt. You might have a cute slogan for this year or include our quote from last year! Be creative!!