God uses time and life to change and mold people. Personal experience has really put force behind that statement. In college I was a bubbly, outgoing person who was very talkative. I can't give a day that I changed, but I did. I lived in my own little world not truly understanding the world that surrounded me. God used this way of thinking as a shield and kept me safe in terrible situations that I put myself in not realizing how deep a sinner's heart can truly be. And He has given me a reality check many times in my short life to remind me that He is the king, and I should not assume that I deserve anything. Or it could partly be related to me living outside of my own culture, and then, returning finding life had continued on and trying to find my place in it. Struggling to find words is an understatement for me now. I really get tied in knots now, and it doesn't come as naturally as it used to in the past.
Although the southern culture that I live in would beg to differ, I don't think that silence always has to be filled in with words, or that things should be said unless they were truly genuine. My amazing husband is a walking dictionary, and can find the perfect words for so many situations. He is not perfect, but he is an excellent communicator, and he means what he says. I find myself trying to hide behind him constantly, which he does at times allow me to do, and he pushes me when I need a good shove. Having Magdalena changes the entire socializing arena for us because so many people want to talk with her. I am horrible at this, and I love the times when Noah carries her around so that he can give people the opportunity to meet my amazing, precious daughter while I stand afar outside the crowd.
Tonight I was thankful that Noah cared for Magdalena on our first time returning to church after a few weeks. I have not been talking to many other people outside of my family in so long it is almost difficult to do again. I hope that my church family will be gracious with me as I learn to communicate and be around humans again. No one acted as though I were a roach, but I will have to learn to speak again. And maybe one day God will bring back a good piece of the "old" me so that I can speak more freely with strangers.
Noah and I are so thankful for Magdalena, who continues to show us our faults, and because of her we are given open opportunities to better ourselves.
Although the southern culture that I live in would beg to differ, I don't think that silence always has to be filled in with words, or that things should be said unless they were truly genuine. My amazing husband is a walking dictionary, and can find the perfect words for so many situations. He is not perfect, but he is an excellent communicator, and he means what he says. I find myself trying to hide behind him constantly, which he does at times allow me to do, and he pushes me when I need a good shove. Having Magdalena changes the entire socializing arena for us because so many people want to talk with her. I am horrible at this, and I love the times when Noah carries her around so that he can give people the opportunity to meet my amazing, precious daughter while I stand afar outside the crowd.
Tonight I was thankful that Noah cared for Magdalena on our first time returning to church after a few weeks. I have not been talking to many other people outside of my family in so long it is almost difficult to do again. I hope that my church family will be gracious with me as I learn to communicate and be around humans again. No one acted as though I were a roach, but I will have to learn to speak again. And maybe one day God will bring back a good piece of the "old" me so that I can speak more freely with strangers.
Noah and I are so thankful for Magdalena, who continues to show us our faults, and because of her we are given open opportunities to better ourselves.
It was so good to see you and beautiful Magdalena last night.
ReplyDeleteWe will love you just as you are, Julie, whether you have words or not!
KP
I just found your blog through the Stanfield's blog. I read through the whole story of Magdalena. I am amazed that you are holding your little living breathing miracle in your arms. Praising God for the 100+ days you have had with her. Praying for another 100+ plus days with your sweet girl.
ReplyDeleteHugs and Prayers
Rachel in PA
I remember the early days of our journey so well. After 5 months of living in the hospital and dealing with all that entails, I struggled so much to return to normal society. It was like I had so much to say, but no way to get it all out. And the tears. Oh, my. They would come with a millisecond's notice, and that was always embarassing. Now they're slower to come, and I can talk about Addison without them, and when they do come, I just let them arrive because sometimes they have to, even in public. I hope it'll get easier for you, and I'm glad Noah is holding you up. Knowing that the other person is there for you, no matter what, makes all of the difference, I think.
ReplyDeleteCelebrating along with you. I understand and can relate in part to your words today. I like checking in now and again not only to see your precious little one but your blog often speaks to my heart as well.
ReplyDeleteAre you sharing Magdalena's song of love ~ did you post it or our you keeping it private?
We did one as well and it is posted on our site, I invite you to visit.
Continually praying for your family.
Alyssa's mom ~ Trish
We love you! Not everyone is full of words at our church, and I think you fit there just perfectly!
ReplyDelete